GIF Reviews: Rounding Up The Last Few Months Of Reading

I have been a terrible blogger this year. I haven't really had the time to blog and have considered just shutting it down several times. But I can never bring myself to do it. This blog has brought me a lot of joy and friendship over the past few years and I don't want to let that go. But it sits here, lonely and neglected, leaving me with an uneasy feeling of failure. I tell myself I'm just going to blog when I feel like it, but the pile of unreviewed books mounts and the task of getting back into it becomes more and more overwhelming. So, in an attempt to get past that and to start fresh in the new year - and see where that takes me - I'm cheating a little and doing the briefest reviews possible in an attempt to catch up, because I still want to log my feelings on each book but I don't want to write full reviews. So I'm going to do it in the language I'm most fluent in, other than English - GIFs, of course. Here we go...

The New World (Chaos Walking book 0.5) by Patrick Ness
In a sentence: This short story of how Viola came to the New World, and the crash that killed her parents, complements The Knife of Never Letting Go brilliantly.
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Rating: 3.5/5

The Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking book 2) by Patrick Ness
In a sentence: The stunning, action-packed sequel to The Knife of Never Letting Go, that sees Todd and Viola separated and forced to make impossible choices that will leave you emotional, raw and bleeding all over the place.
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Rating: 5/5

The Wide, Wide Sea (Chaos Walking book 2.5) by Patrick Ness
In a sentence: A short story that gives a little bit of background info on Mistress Coyle, Viola's mentor of sorts, and tells of the impossible love between a Spackle and a human - a beautiful, bittersweet interlude that deserves a book of its own.
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Rating: 4/5

When Love Comes to Town by Tom Lennon
In a sentence: Rugby-playing bloke's bloke Neil comes to terms with his sexuality in 1990s Dublin - at times heartbreaking, at times touching, the book is let down by several plot holes and a lack of cohesion.
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Rating: 3/5

Ever by Gail Carson Levine
In a sentence: Bland, simple god falls for bland, simple mortal and the bland, simple plot drags on through bland, simple writing towards a bland, simple HEA.
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Rating: 2/5

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving, audiobook narrated by Tom Mison
In a sentence: The classic tale of Ichabod Crane and the Headless Horseman is surprisingly funny in its original form, narrated perfectly here by the same actor who plays Crane in the new TV show.
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Rating: 3.5/5

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, audiobook narrated by Davina Porter
In a sentence: WWII nurse and awful person Claire is on a second honeymoon with her husband in Scotland when she is pulled back through time; she soon forgets her husband when she conveniently ~has to~ marry a hot Scottish guy - who is also an awful person who beats her, but that's somehow OK because they have lots of sexy sexy sex times together.
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Rating: 1/5

Forever by Judy Blume
In a sentence: This story of first love and first times is important and fills me with nostalgia - but upon rereading it's hard to look past the frankly bad writing and story (which feels blasphemous to say but is sadly true).
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Rating: 2/5

Lady Windermere's Fan by Oscar Wilde, audiobook performance by Roger Rees, Eric Stoltz, Joanna Going and Miriam Margolyes
In a sentence: A delightful performance of the classic play, I found it entertaining but I didn't ~love~ it as much as some of Wilde's other works I've read (a.k.a. listened to) this year.
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Rating: 3/5

Monsters of Men (Chaos Walking book 3) by Patrick Ness
In a sentence: Edge-of-your seat, gut-wrenching conclusion to the Chaos Walking series that stays with you long after you've finished.
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Rating: 5/5

Snowscape (Chaos Walking book 3.5) by Patrick Ness
In a sentence: Basically an extended epilogue to Monsters of Men WHICH WAS 100% FINE WITH ME.
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Rating: 4/5

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
In a sentence: Rich white woman goes missing, the husband is the number one suspect - but it's so much more than that, and left me feeling very, very conflicted.
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Rating: 3.5/5

Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead
In a sentence: This was a reread-a-long, and I unfortunately didn't love the book as much on the revisit - but I still liked it.
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Rating: 4/5

Fawn Brown by Zoe McAuley, audiobook narrated by Katherine Kellgren
In a sentence: Fawn Brown is Snow White's overlooked half-sister, revealing the "true" story of the fairy tale. This is a short novella with an interesting take on the classic story, narrated beautifully by Kellgren.
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Rating: 3.5/5

Salome by Oscar Wilde, audiobook performance by Rosalind Ayres, James Marsters et al.
In a sentence: A historical/biblical play with feminist undertones - although a little hard to follow at first, this performance really was wonderful to listen to.
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Rating: 3.5/5

Language A to Z, audio lecture series by Professor John McWhorter 
In a sentence: An engaging intro into linguistics using a word for each letter of the alphabet as a clever and interesting framing device.
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Rating: 3.5/5

Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta, audiobook narrated by Rebecca Macauley
In a sentence: I revisited this emotional and authentic story of a teen girl dealing with her mother's depression - and her own issues - via audiobook, with lovely narration by Macauley.
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Rating: 5/5

The Piper's Son by Melina Marchetta, audiobook narrated by Michael Finney
In a sentence: The heart-wrenching follow-up to Saving Francesca, this time from the perspective of Hot Mess Tom Mackee and his aunt Georgie - a revisit for me via audiobook again, with good narration from Finney.
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Rating: 5/5

Audiobook Reviews: The Too Far Series by Abbi Glines

Do you ever read the first book in a series and not particularly like it, but you keep reading the series anyway? And then you read the second and you still don't really enjoy it, but for some reason that you can't quite explain you keep going? Until you reach the third in the series, or worse even the fourth? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Yeah so that's what happened with the Too Far series for me. I picked up the first one, Fallen Too Far, when it was for sale on Audible. The sample sounded OK and I had a vague impression that Abbi Glines is an author I'd enjoy. People I follow seemed to like her. So I listened and look, it was entertaining. The narrator was quite good and the story itself was a bit of trashy fun. It's about Blaire, an innocent girl (coz there's no other kinds of girls in romance apparently) who goes to stay with her new step-brother after her mother passes away. You can see where this is going, right? There were parts that annoyed the crap out of me (hello, insta-love, characters not acting their age, guys acting possessive, ridiculous melodrama, etc), but I can admit I still enjoyed the book overall. The chemistry between the two main characters was pretty sizzling and the sex scenes were hot. With the exception of one which was distractingly annoying but also significant to the plot which in turn made me want to bang my head against the wall...

So yeah. The first book was fun enough but also annoying and I knew the series would probably get more annoying as it went on. But maybe a small part of me hoped it would get better, I don't know, because I continued anyway. Next I went with Rush Too Far which is Fallen Too Far told from the perspective of the love interest, Rush. It is testimony to how hot the chemistry is that I endured the exact same story, with the exact same dialogue and only a few new scenes, all over again. Rush annoyed me more here than he did in Fallen Too Far, what with being in his head the whole time. He showed the first signs of hardcore possessiveness, and I should have known it would only get worse.

Boy, did it get worse. Never Too Far and Forever Too Far, the second and third books in the series (technically Rush Too Far is the fourth I think), alternate between Rush's and Blaire's points of view. Blaire is annoying as hell and does some really really silly things, but Rush was just unbearable. He is so freaking possessive and controlling, handling Blaire like a doll, obsessing over what she eats, what she wears, who she talks to... and Blaire is all "lol aw so cute and caring". HONEY NO. This is some fucked up shit right here. And ugh, all the family drama was so tedious, and the way each character handled said drama was ridiculous and unrealistic and plain stupid.

All that being said I was still tempted to continue the series because the focus shifts to other characters and I'm nothing if not optimistic/a masochist apparently. But after reading reviews and seeing the other guys in the following books are even MORE possessive than Rush I just couldn't do that to myself.

I am now pretty baffled by the popularity of Abbi Glines. A few hot scenes does not make up for all the idiocy and awfulness that surrounds them. And there is so, so much. Blergh.

Ratings:

Fallen Too Far: 3/5
Rush Too Far: 2.5/5
Never Too Far: 2/5
Forever Too Far: 1.5/5

Mini Reviews: Four Romance Novellas And An Underwhelmed Book Blogger

I've been reading a lot of romance books lately. Perhaps not coincidentally, I haven't read many great books in recent times. Many of the books I've read have been mediocre at best. I don't know if it's the particular titles I've read or if the genre just isn't for me. Sure, they're entertaining enough in general, but I am often left feeling underwhelmed or even annoyed. That's certainly how I felt with these novellas:


Perfect Timing by Jane O'Reilly (Source: Netgalley)
Ruby has been crushing on her best friend for years but it's only now she's leaving the country he wakes up and realises he's in love with her too. Of course. I liked this book well enough but it might be saying something that I started reading it again a couple of weeks later, not because I loved it, but because I completely forgot I had read it. It wasn't bad but yeah, not all that memorable.
Rating: 3/5






Perfect 10 by Erin McCarthy (Source: Netgalley)
Katrina is a social media whiz who accidentally sends the details of her private hook ups (including ratings) to everyone in her address book. This has dire consequences for her job and her personal life - that is, until her ex best friend (who she had a one night stand with) gets in touch after seeing his score. This was OK, there were some cute parts but it was just all a little too convenient.
Rating: 3/5







Double Take by Leslie Kelly (Source: Netgalley)
Lindsey is a psychologist whose research into female orgasms makes her the laughing stock of her field, leading her to seek refuge on a small, quiet island town. The chief of police Mike is hiding from his own demons, and they're instantly attracted to each other but can't do anything about it because... they don't want people to gossip about them. Meh. I didn't buy it as a strong enough reason for them to not be together. I also really didn't buy that someone whose area of expertise is sexuality, and the female orgasm in particular, would be so self-conscious and repressed in her own sexuality. Underwhelming.
Rating: 2/5



The Private Affairs of Lady Jane Fielding by Viveka Portman (Source: Netgalley)
Lady Fielding and her husband are trying to have a son and heir when her husband is in an accident that means he can no longer have children. He has the perfect solution - his cousin will get Lady Fielding pregnant and they'll pretend the baby is his. I did not like this book at all. If it hadn't been so short I wouldn't have finished it - and it was a struggle as it was. I didn't like the characters or the plot, but worst of all was the writing - mayhap the writer verily thought she must needs use every olde worlde word in every sentence and it mayhap drove my verily batty.
Rating: 1/5

GIF Reviews: Quick Catch Up On Some Terrible Books And Some Good Books I've Read Lately

Every time I get caught up on reviews, I feel all smug and then get distracted/busy for a few weeks and find myself more behind than ever. Like now. When I am 15 reviews behind. Which I'm pretty sure is the most behind I've ever been. I blame it on all the novellas I've been reading lately. Same amount of pages, but more actual books. So to smash a bunch out right now so it's not weighing so heavily on my mind, and get back to regular reviewing (I know I've said it before, but I can only keep trying), I'm going where I've never gone before: GIF reviews! One-GIF reviews, to be specific. My feelings about a book, summed up in a GIF. Because mini reviews are just too long. Here we go...

Fury of Fire (Dragonfury book 1) by Coreene Callahan, audio read by Benjamin L. Darcie
In a sentence: Dragon shifter leader meets special snowflake nurse, falls in love instantly which leads to kidnapping, sexy sexy sex times, a surprise pregnancy which said dragon dude knew would happen but didn't bother to warn special snowflake nurse about, fights, battle, HEA.
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Rating: 2/5

Fury of Ice (Dragonfury book 2) by Coreene Callahan, audio read by Benjamin L. Darcie
In a sentence: Dragon shifter second-in-command meets special snowflake police detective, falls in love instantly, stuff happens, sexy sexy sex times, more stuff happens, meh I can't even really remember the rest.
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Rating: 2/5

Too Busy for Love by Tamsin Baker, via Netgalley
In a sentence: Busy hot businessman has fling with younger hot virgin gardener, falls in love, HEA, way too predictable and rushed.
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Rating: 2/5

Impossible Desires by Tamsin Baker, via Netgalley
In a sentence: Historical romance that is completely historically inaccurate - widow who is at last free from an abusive marriage wants to remarry, as long as she can be in control of ALL aspects of the relationship. Good thing she meets a kinky nobleman who has no personality but wants to fulfill her every desire.
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Rating: 1/5

Crazy, Stupid Sex by Maisey Yates, via Netgalley
In a sentence: After breaking up with her bland boyfriend, a smart but clueless-in-a-cute-way redhead meets smoking hot, rich player she wants to bang. They bang and fall in love yada yada yada. Basically Crazy, Stupid, Love fanfiction.
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Rating: 2/5

Indecent... Exposure (Indecent book 1) by Jane O'Reilly
In a sentence: Quiet, conservative photographer has a sexy photo business on the side, and things get personal and complicated (not to mention fun) when her quiet, conservative accountant/crush comes in for a photo shoot.
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Rating: 3.5/5

Crashing Into You by B.D. Rowe, via Netgalley
In a sentence: Idiotic girl moons over roommate's boyfriend, roommate dies, idiotic girl hooks up with roommate's boyfriend, roommate's little sister shows up, idiotic girl gets jealous, does something really horrible, gets HEA anyway.
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Rating: 1/5

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, audio read by Emilia Fox
In a sentence: You know the drill. Great reading by Emilia Fox (though Juliet Stevenson is still my fave Austen narrator).
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Rating: 5/5

Indecent... Proposal (Indecent book 2) by Jane O'Reilly
In a sentence: Adventurous woman realises her best friend's hot brother is not as conservative as he seems... and apparently he wants her - cue tension, sexy sexy sex times, drama, HEA.
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Rating: 3/5

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
In a sentence: Girl with cancer meets boy in remission, they fall in love, everyone's hearts get broken.
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Rating: 3/5

Colters' Woman (Colters' Legacy book 1) by Maya Banks, audio read by Freddie Bates
In a sentence: Three brothers live together, work together, and want to be in a relationship together - but not with each other, coz that would be GROSS, ew, no they want to be in a relationship with a WOMAN, just all at once which is not gross AT ALL, ahem - luckily for them they find a special snowflake damsel in distress, cue sexy sexy sex times, drama, yada yada yada.
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Rating: 2/5

Colters' Wife (Colters' Legacy book 1.5) by Maya Banks

In a sentence: Basically an extended epilogue to Colters' Woman, about the birth of the brothers' first child with their collective wife.
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Rating: 2/5

Colters' Lady (Colters' Legacy book 2) by Maya Banks, audio read by Freddie Bates
In a sentence: The three sons of the characters in book 1 don't want an unconventional relationship like their parents, until they all fall in insta-love with the same special snowflake damsel in distress and decide sexy sexy sex times all together isn't so weird after all.
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Rating: 2/5

Indecent... Desires (Indecent book 3) by Jane O'Reilly
In a sentence: Meredith is in her 30s and recently divorced, trying to get her bossy side under control and find someone she can settle down with, but everything changes when she meets a hot 20-something who likes to be told what to do.
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Rating: 4/5

Jane Austen Miscellany by Lesley Bolton
In a sentence: Bits and pieces from Austen's letters and biographies, quotes from her books, adaptations to check out and further reading to try, all wrapped up in a really pretty book.
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Rating: 3/5

Audiobook Review: True Strength by Kevin Sorbo, Narrated by Kevin Sorbo and Sam Sorbo

Look at this smug git! Ugh.

This is the first book I have ever returned because it was so damn bad. That's the upside of Audible - if you don't like an audiobook you've just listened to, you can exchange it for a credit. And it felt oh-so-satisfying to select "I didn't like this book" and hit return.

It. Was. Terrible. I went in thinking I'd get a nice nostalgia hit, having been obsessed with Hercules growing up, as well as learn a thing or two perhaps about resilience through Kevin Sorbo's medical issues, which I hadn't been aware of before.

Resilience, ha! He spent the whole book raging against everything and everyone. Whyyyyy has this happened to him? Don't you know who he is, God?! HE'S HERCULES HE'S PERFECT HE DOESN'T GET SICK?! He actually seems to have believed that he was Hercules in some way. Perhaps it was because of his Herculean ego. This guy is so far up himself he comes out the other side. It oozes from ever sentence. He just thinks he's so damn wonderful.

Through the whole book he keeps on going on about his great sense of humour. He uses example after example of his "sarcastic jokes". Really? He's just being an asshole. And that's when he thinks he's actually being endearing! The rest of the time he's an outright asshole. He gets angry at the doctors, his wife, his colleagues, everyone. Now, I can understand being angry and frustrated when people can't tell you what's wrong with you (believe me, I know), but he spends 80 per cent of the book that way. Towards the end he states how he learned to accept his situation and he's not angry anymore... well, you could have fooled me, Kev! I honestly don't know how his wife put up with him. He just seems like such a selfish human being.

Sam Sorbo, his wife, actually narrates a few chapters herself, telling her perspective on things - mainly how gorgeous and amazing she thinks he is. Every time either of them recounts something about their love story it is so incredibly cringe-worthy. It was like they were saying, "ha, we were so clever, we were so flirty and edgy with each other" but what I was hearing was "CHEESY CHEESY CHEESY WITH EXTRA CHEESE ICKINESS."

Hmmm what else... oh yeah, Kevin Sorbo is a terrible actor. He tries to do accents for various foreign people in the book, including Italian, Kiwi, Australian and Chinese. It is so horrendous it is bloody offensive.

I could go on and on but I feel like I'm starting to resemble Kevin Sorbo too much and just raging against the world here. The only way I finished this book was by listening to it on 3x speed. And it still took too long. It actually makes me sad because I have such fond memories of Hercules...

Rating: 1/5
That's being generous.

Mini Reviews: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me, Bonjour Cherie, Hold Me Down Hard and Ripped

Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling
I cannot love Mindy Kaling more after reading this book. She is like a combination of much more awesome version of myself and my ideal best friend. Seriously, I related SO MUCH to everything in her hilarious and engaging memoir. I loved learning more about her life and her path to success, and adored the way it was written. It was like a series of anecdotes you'd tell a friend. Which is why, of course, I am now best friends with Mindy. She just doesn't know it yet.
Rating: 4.5/5

Bonjour Cherie by Robin Thomas (Source: Netgalley)
This was a short, easy-to-read, fun novella about a girl who is obsessed with all things French and the Australian guy she's attracted to but who doesn't meet her strict criteria for a boyfriend (top of the list being someone who is French). Beth, the main character, annoyed me a fair bit, especially how she really didn't have her shit together but acted like she did, and totally judged others for not being up to her standards. She was quite superficial, especially at the beginning. But I quite liked Zach, the love interest, even if certain aspects of his story were completely predictable. It was enjoyable enough overall.
Rating: 3/5

Hold Me Down Hard by Cathryn Fox (Source: Netgalley)
This was so terrible. The characters were completely unbelievable caricatures, there was no chemistry between the main pair, the guy was a paternalistic ickcanoe, the small amount of plot was pretty ridiculous, and it wasn't even hot. Now, I'm not overly familiar with romance books in general and BDSM in particular, but from reading this book I got the impression it was written by someone who wanted to cash in on the trend and be all EDGY without any knowledge of it themselves. It was too bad to even laugh at.
Rating: 1/5



Ripped by Sarah Morgan (Source: Netgalley)
This novella was a lot more fun. It starts with Hayley being embarrassed at her ex's wedding when her hideous bridesmaid's dress tears during the ceremony. Nico, the best man, rescues her but also seems to be angry at her for some reason. She thinks he hates her but they somehow end up making out anyway. They have good chemistry and I liked seeing their relationship play out. Nico was actually pretty damn hot and not overprotective and douchey. One of the reasons he's attracted to Hayley is her intelligence and passion about her job. Yay for modern men.
Rating: 3.5/5

Mini Reviews: Pride and Promiscuity, Raven Girl, A Christmas Carol, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Pride and Promiscuity: The Lost Sex Scenes of Jane Austen by Arielle Eckstut and Dennis Ahston
Ugh, this book was the worst. THE WORST. Curiosity and hope that it would be funny caused me to read it. But it was more cringe-worthy than funny. It is what the title suggests: sex scenes involving Jane Austen's characters. And Jane Austen is now rolling in her grave. It's basically really bad fan fiction, and some of it is incredibly disturbing. The worst is a scene in which the Bingley sisters basically rape Jane Bennet. It's awful. Don't read this book.
Rating: 1/5

Raven Girl by Audrey Niffenegger
As a modern fairy tale, Raven Girl is everything a fairy tale should be: whimsical, magical and just a bit violent, sad and disturbing. It tells the story of a man who falls in love with a raven, and the halfling daughter they have. The notion of a human and raven having a baby - or, more specifically, the implication of what they did to have one - is pretty icky, but if you focus more on it being a fairy tale with fairy tale rules (or lack thereof) it is easier to enjoy. I liked the way it blended more fantastical elements with modern realities like science and medicine. The illustrations are ugly but beautiful at the same time, and they fit well with the overall tone of the story. I would actually love to see the ballet version of this.
Rating: 3/5

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, narrated by Tim Curry
Yes, this is how far behind I am with my reviews. I listened to this audiobook over Christmas. While the story was as wonderful as ever, I have to say I was disappointed with Tim Curry's narration. I expected amazing things so that didn't help. It just didn't feel right, and some of his voices were ridiculous and distracting. I think this year I'll just reread it again rather than listen to it (or at least this version).
Rating: 2.5/5



The Secret Life of Walter Mitty by James Thurber, narrated by Ben Stiller
This is a super short audiobook - like, 11 minutes long. Obviously this is the basis for the movie, which I haven't seen, but judging purely from the trailer they haven't kept a lot from the original story. Walter Mitty is an old man who escapes the tedium of his life and his nagging, annoying wife by going on fantastical adventures in his head. It was a good short story, if a little depressing, and Ben Stiller's narration was quite good. I don't know that I'll bother with the Hollywood version of this story though.
Rating: 3/5