Mini Reviews: Pride and Promiscuity, Raven Girl, A Christmas Carol, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Pride and Promiscuity: The Lost Sex Scenes of Jane Austen by Arielle Eckstut and Dennis Ahston
Ugh, this book was the worst. THE WORST. Curiosity and hope that it would be funny caused me to read it. But it was more cringe-worthy than funny. It is what the title suggests: sex scenes involving Jane Austen's characters. And Jane Austen is now rolling in her grave. It's basically really bad fan fiction, and some of it is incredibly disturbing. The worst is a scene in which the Bingley sisters basically rape Jane Bennet. It's awful. Don't read this book.
Rating: 1/5

Raven Girl by Audrey Niffenegger
As a modern fairy tale, Raven Girl is everything a fairy tale should be: whimsical, magical and just a bit violent, sad and disturbing. It tells the story of a man who falls in love with a raven, and the halfling daughter they have. The notion of a human and raven having a baby - or, more specifically, the implication of what they did to have one - is pretty icky, but if you focus more on it being a fairy tale with fairy tale rules (or lack thereof) it is easier to enjoy. I liked the way it blended more fantastical elements with modern realities like science and medicine. The illustrations are ugly but beautiful at the same time, and they fit well with the overall tone of the story. I would actually love to see the ballet version of this.
Rating: 3/5

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, narrated by Tim Curry
Yes, this is how far behind I am with my reviews. I listened to this audiobook over Christmas. While the story was as wonderful as ever, I have to say I was disappointed with Tim Curry's narration. I expected amazing things so that didn't help. It just didn't feel right, and some of his voices were ridiculous and distracting. I think this year I'll just reread it again rather than listen to it (or at least this version).
Rating: 2.5/5



The Secret Life of Walter Mitty by James Thurber, narrated by Ben Stiller
This is a super short audiobook - like, 11 minutes long. Obviously this is the basis for the movie, which I haven't seen, but judging purely from the trailer they haven't kept a lot from the original story. Walter Mitty is an old man who escapes the tedium of his life and his nagging, annoying wife by going on fantastical adventures in his head. It was a good short story, if a little depressing, and Ben Stiller's narration was quite good. I don't know that I'll bother with the Hollywood version of this story though.
Rating: 3/5

Mini Reviews: His Convict Wife and The Convict's Bounty Bride By Lena Dowling

His Convict Wife by Lena Dowling (via Netgalley)
I actually didn't realise this was the second book in this convict romance series - though both are only novellas and you can definitely read this one without having read the first, but certain references made more sense once I did read the other. This book focuses on Colleen Malone, an Irish convict forced into prostitution who gets pregnant and then manages to get virtuous settler Samuel Biggs to marry her. Samuel is still grieving the death of his first wife and wants Colleen more as a housemaid than an actual partner, but Colleen wants to pass her baby off as his, so she has other ideas. I quite liked Colleen's tenacity and the tension between her and Samuel, and the ups and downs of their relationship made for a pretty entertaining read. This is my first foray into romance set in colonial Australia, so I don't know if it's common in the genre, but one thing that put me off a little bit was Samuel's uptightness and slightly controlling behaviour at times. Aside from that he was pretty swoon-worthy.
Rating: 3.5/5

The Convict's Bounty Bride by Lena Dowling
This story actually comes before His Convict Wife, focusing on ex-convict James Hunter, who becomes Samuel Biggs' employer in the later book. James made a deal with a noble family to take the blame for a crime committed by their son in exchange for their daughter's hand in marriage. This is news to Lady Thea, who has no interest in marriage and only wants a career. James decides to show her how good being his wife could be... you can see where this is heading. This novella was half the size than His Convict Wife and there wasn't a great amount of development of the characters and their relationship. The insta-love was pretty unbelievable and I just wasn't invested in their story. Also the whole premise, and the inevitable outcome, left a really bad taste in my mouth.
Rating: 2.5/5

Review: Every Day By David Levithan

Do you ever read a book and think, “Am I reading the same thing as everyone else”? This is exactly how I felt with Every Day. All the reviews I’d seen were full of praise. I was expecting it to be amazing. It was not.

It's a shame because I liked the concept of “A” waking up in a different body each day, content to do so until falling in love with the girlfriend of one of the bodies. Intriguing, right? Unfortunately, the execution didn’t work for me. The writing itself was gorgeous and there was more than one quotable line, but the plot and characters drove me nuts.

A was The Worst, spending the whole time talking about being good but actually doing terrible things. There’s no build up of this “good” aspect before it gets compromised, making it very hard to like the protagonist. I didn’t buy the connection between A and Rhiannon (hello, insta-love!), and the way A obsesses over her is really quite icky. I know A changes bodies every day, but there was not much personality there beyond that obsession. Oh, and judging people. A judges everyone.

Like Rhiannon for not being able to always see past the physical. One of the themes of the book is that you love the person, not the body. The notion of biology being separate from identity is an interesting one, and could have been fascinating to explore, but Every Day only goes as deep as A getting angry if Rhiannon felt a bit weird seeing a girl’s body. Which is completely understandable because, yeah, sexuality is fluid, but if you identify as straight you can’t be expected to suddenly find the same sex attractive (and vice versa). And I know they say love is blind, but you still have to be attracted to the person you’re with. A judges Rhiannon pretty harshly for liking some bodies better, which I thought was unfair.

A is also super judgemental of Nathan, one of the bodies used, when he feels, well, used. A had snuck out of Nathan’s strict parent’s house to go to a party to see Rhiannon, lying to Rhiannon, drinking, staying too long and driving too late, ending up with Nathan waking up on the side of the road having no idea where he is or what has happened. I know A can’t control going into different bodies, but seriously? That’s abduction. The idea that so many bodies were being used against their will was quite discomforting. Particularly when A wanted to get more physical with Rhiannon. Not cool.

But A’s worst judgement is reserved for one of the last bodies described in the book. A wakes up inside an overweight teen boy, and turns on so much judgment that Simon Cowell looks like an open-minded puppy dog in comparison. A treats the teen as lazy, disgusting, stupid and… wait for it… shallow. Yep. Coz apparently being obese means you can’t have “emotional depth”. It’s really disappointing, because it could have been an opportunity to explore the very deep and complex emotions that often go along with weight problems. Instead, it reinforces prejudices against overweight people rather than using it as a chance to undermine them.

Rhiannon is not a lot better than A. She's pretty two-dimensional. Some of the bodies A spent a day in felt more developed than her. She accepted the A thing way too quickly and fell in love too easily. She was incredibly passive. A judges (there’s that word again) Rhiannon’s boyfriend for being horrible to her, but A doesn’t treat her a whole lot better, and she goes along with it. She doesn’t have any agency. Even at the end, A is in control of what will happen to Rhiannon “next”. So not romantic.

It was a shame that the bland, unromantic love story was the central plot, when the concept had so much potential. There is a bit of a subplot about people being after A, but it develops slowly and sporadically before finally fizzling out.

Despite the beautiful writing, Every Day was a very average read.

Rating: 2.5 stars

Fine Print
Published: 2012, Knopf
Get It: Book Depository

Review: Tales of the Macabre by Edgar Allan Poe

Tales of the Macabre is a collection of Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories, combined with gorgeous new illustrations. This was my first Poe experience and I have to say I am not a fan. I really enjoyed The Tell-Tale Heart – I thought it was atmospheric, tense, creepy and clever. But the rest of the stories I thought were either boring or downright awful.

The Black Cat in particular horrified me, and not in a good way. I just can’t handle animal cruelty. It truly sickened me. Instead of being deliciously terrified I was just offended and upset. I nearly stopped reading the book then and there.

I’m glad I continued for The Tell-Tale Heart, but not much else. Berenice was my next favourite but I didn’t love it. While there was some exquisite language scattered throughout the stories, overall I found them quite slow, predictable and incredibly repetitive. I got so over seeing a beautiful, ill woman in every story, who the protagonist loved or hated or both. It was very tedious to have basically the same thing happen again and again.

I did really appreciate the illustrations in this edition. They’re creepy and beautiful and complement the stories really well. Unfortunately the ebook I had was not well formatted for my kindle, and half of the illustrations – and some of the stories – were chopped up and all over the place across pages. This didn’t help my enjoyment of the book.

After finishing Tales of the Macabre, I looked up The Raven, to see if Poe’s other famous work (read: as featured on The Simpsons) was as good as the hype. And it is. I loooooved it. Maybe I should stick to Poe’s poetry and stay away from his prose. It’s just not my cup of tea.

Rating: 2.5/5

Fine Print
Published: 2012, Archaia Entertainment
Source: Netgalley
Get It:  Book Depository

The Movie Was Craptastic: The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones

Note: I wrote this post on Tuesday night straight after watching the movie, but everyone was under embargo until today. So here it is!

Wow. That was bad. That was really, really bad. I just watched The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones and it was laughable. Like I literally laughed out loud in several places. When I don't think I was meant to. But even though it was terrible, it was still pretty entertaining. 

What I liked

• I thought the cast were pretty great and fit their characters well. Lily Collins is GORGEOUS and a great Clary, and even Jamie Campbell Bower, who I had my doubts about, was good as Jace. He did have the whole angelic/lion-like thing happening, although I didn't find it particularly attractive. My one gripe with the cast is that the actors playing Isabelle and Alec, although talented, look like they're about 30. No way can they pass as teenagers, even the Hollywood version of teenagers.
• There's a line inserted that makes the big twist less WTF-worthy. Though it's still pretty WTF. And the line didn't make sense with what followed. But whatevs, I think they needed to include something like that.
• The action scenes were well done. Isabelle with a flame-thrower thingy (I'm all up on the weaponry terms, clearly) was awesome.
• There's some funny dialogue. Intentionally funny. But there's also a helluva lot of unintentionally funny dialogue, which brings me to...

What I didn't like

• There are many laughably bad moments. Including some awful, awful dialogue and characters doing really stupid things. It really dragged the movie down.
• It's completely action-packed, with major events jammed in all together, which is fun, but it also means there's not a lot of emotional depth. I didn't get a good sense of Clary's worry about her mum, her shock at discovering the Shadowhunter world, or her feelings building for Jace. It all happens too quickly.
• The soundtrack is pretty bad, and there's one scene in particular (the greenhouse scene) where the music is overbearing and completely ruins the mood, rather than enhancing it. It was so cheesy, and I was laughing when I wanted to be swooning.
• The steles looked plastic. Hodge's bird looked like a puppet. The greenhouse... don't even get me started on the fake flowers and general terribleness.
• Valentine has these terrible fake plaits attached to the back of his head for no apparent reason and they made me irrationally angry.
• Watching it on screen, the Harry Potter stealing influence was more obvious than ever.

I was still entertained, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen this year. And I've watched Sharknado. If you're a fan of the book you'll probably like it. I think it was actually better than the book (although looking back, I gave the book three stars - I think I was more patient and generous back then, ha). Otherwise, maybe wait for DVD. And take a drink every time someone says or does something stupid or cheesy. You'll be passed out halfway through.

Rating: 2/5

Review: Sister, Sister by Andrew Neiderman

I picked this up randomly at a secondhand store for three dollars while I was away in the Blue Mountains. I had just finished reading Floundering and I needed something that wouldn’t hurt my head. A trashy horror novel about telepathic conjoined twins by V.C. Andrews’ ghostwriter seemed like just the thing. Also did I mention it was three dollars?

Anyway, to some extent I did enjoy it in a so-bad-it’s-kinda-good way, but I wouldn’t exactly recommend it to anyone. Because it was really, really bad. Sure, it was still pretty entertaining to start with, but by the end of the book I found myself just getting irritated. The dialogue was so forced and silly, and the plot was predictable and unfortunately not very scary. If you’ve read any V.C. Andrews, you’ll recognise the writing style from a plantation away. Except instead of incest, there’s conjoined twins who can hear each other’s thoughts and move things with their minds.

Which brings me to the worst part of this book: it is so incredibly offensive. The treatment of conjoined twins and kids with birth defects as freaks and monsters was absolutely appalling. Meanwhile, the main character is a macho douche, yet his supposedly intelligent co-worker, a female psychologist, treats him like he’s some sort of god. He, on the other hand, is completely condescending to her, like “oh, you’re so cute, with your degree and individual thoughts and no wedding ring, how novel!” Ugh. They have sex once and are talking marriage, because of course you can’t have sex unless you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that person. Oh, um, spoiler, I guess. Except it’s not really a spoiler because you can totally tell it’s going to happen from the moment he skeezily looks her up and down the first time they meet. Also I don’t really care about spoilers because I don’t think anyone should read this book.

Seriously, don’t read this book. Just don’t. It got to the point where it was more crap than craptastic. Which is a shame. But if you have any recommendations for trashy horror novels that won’t drive me completely nuts, I’d love to hear them!

Rating: 2/5 stars

Review: Floundering by Romy Ash

This book was such a disappointment.

I picked it up at the Sydney Writers' Festival after it won the SMH Young Australian Novelists of the Year award. Seeing that it also made the Miles Franklin Award shortlist, amongst others, I expected it would be amazing, and I liked the concept. Told from the perspective of a little boy, Floundering details a road trip and stay in a caravan park with his brother and his mum – who has actually kidnapped the boys away from their grandparents because she's a terrible mother.

For the first part of the road trip I was quite enjoying the ride. I liked Ash’s interpretation of a child’s view of the world, and while some of the language seemed too adult, I thought it was mostly quite authentic. The lack of quotation marks was strange but effective.

Then the road trip just kept going. And Loretta, the boys’ mother, got progressively more awful. I was impatient for them to get where they were going and things to start happening. The language started to bother me a little, but I was still willing to stick with it.

When they finally got to the caravan park I thought, now we’re getting somewhere. Except we didn’t. We didn’t get anywhere. Ash achieved an atmosphere of intense, hot, boredom – but while that was probably what she was going for, it was unfortunately incredibly boring to read. It felt like nothing ever happened, except Loretta was becoming more and more neglectful. When something did finally happen, it was so utterly sickening that I don’t even want to think about it.

By that stage the language was well and truly grating on me and the formatting just felt like it was trying too hard. I had to actually force myself to finish the last half of the book, and it was only because I had already come so far that I kept going. There seemed no point to the story, other than to show a snapshot of some really terrible things happening to two children. Even when there’s some hopeful imagery, it gets dashed and the kids just wind up more miserable than before. Floundering was bleak, boring and ultimately a horrible reading experience.

Rating: 2/5

Fine Print
Published: 2013, Text Publishing
Get It: Book Depository

 

Mini Reviews: Glitter Kiss and Ghosting

Glitter Kiss by Adrianne Ambrose, illustrated by Monica Gallagher

Tinka, the school “slut”, unwittingly gets revenge on jerky guys when she kisses them wearing a magical lip gloss. Let’s just say it makes them see things from her point of view. It was a pretty cute story, but a little throat-ramming with its message. It also has a kinda negative view on gender – most of the boys are complete a-holes and it focuses a lot on how hard it is to be a girl. This is a graphic novel and I don’t have a lot of experience with them, but the characters – especially the secondary characters – were quite two-dimensional. The ending was really abrupt, which detracted from the overall experience. The illustrations were lovely, however.

Rating: 2.5/5

Ghosting by Keith Gray

Nat and his sister Sandy make their living by scamming grieving people into believing they can communicate with the dead. But they get way in over their heads. Unfortunately the plot is totally predictable and so the events are not scary at all. I saw what was coming - right down to the “twist” at the end - from miles away. I know it’s only a short story but there wasn’t much in the way of character development. The villain is entirely obvious and his MO is like something ripped out of a bad episode of Law and Order. There were several improbable plot points. Altogether a very ordinary read.

Rating: 2/5

I received review copies of these books from the publishers via Netgalley.

Review: The Woman in Black by Susan Hill

You know those books, where you look at the book, then look at reviews, then back at the book and think, “Am I reading the right book?” The Woman in Black was one of those books for me. It seems like everyone loves it, my edition is even part of the Vintage Classics* range, but I didn’t enjoy it at all. It was a chore to get through. Maybe I just wasn’t in the right mood for it… or maybe it’s just not the right book for me.

The premise is enticing: a young solicitor goes to stay in an old mansion to sort out the paperwork of the recently deceased owner, only to discover it’s haunted by a mysterious woman in black. Doesn’t that sound thrilling? Alas, it is not. Not one bit. Of the 160 pages (yes, this book is tiny), it felt like only about five of them contained something actually interesting. The rest was filled with Arthur walking, Arthur eating, Arthur thinking about walking and eating, Arthur talking about walking and eating, Arthur looking around, Arthur riding a bike, Arthur talking about looking around and riding a bike and Arthur thinking and talking and walking a little bit more. The actual scares were few and far between, and when they came I was so close to falling asleep from the long, descriptive passages that I barely mustered a goosebump.

I like descriptive writing when the thing that is being described is interesting or beautiful, or the writing itself is interesting or beautiful. But Arthur describes everything and everyone he comes across, even if he only spends five minutes in a room or never meets that person again. It was all just so tedious. The writing itself was dull, and although it's in the style of a Victorian novel, it felt rather forced in several places, and jarred with the un-Victorian setting.

That’s right, don’t let the movie posters fool you – this book is not set in Victorian times. It’s actually never exactly clear what time period it’s set in. I’m guessing the early 1900s. Arthur refers to the Victorian period as though it was a fair while in the past, and speaks of a “pony and trap” as though it’s a novelty over a car. There’s electricity everywhere and apparently a battery-operated torch. But there’s no mention of World War I, something which would have shaped Arthur’s life and personality had the book taken place during or after that period.

There’s not much of a secondary cast to speak of – in fact, my favourite character was the dog. She was adorable, and the scariest scene for me actually involved her. There were a few other parts which were mildly creepy, but my butt remained firmly far back from the edge of my seat. The central mystery around the woman in black was so predictable, and even though I was waiting for it, the climax felt rushed and ultimately unsatisfying.

I’m trying to find something positive about my reading experience but to be honest I can’t think of anything. I’m hoping the movie is better. It won't take much.

Rating: 2/5

Fine Print

Published: 2007, Vintage Classics (this edition)

Get It: AbeBooks

*Random note: How old does a book have to be to be dubbed “vintage”? This one was first published in 1983. Not what I’d call a “vintage classic”, even if it is written in ye olde language.

Review: Splintered By A. G. Howard

I've never been a massive fan of the Alice in Wonderland tale. While I've always loved the aesthetics of Wonderland and the idea of it - when it came to the actual stories, I never particularly enjoyed them. The Alice in Wonderland Disney movie creeped the crap out of me as a kid - and not in a good way - and when I read the original book by Lewis Carroll a few years ago, I found only a few bright spots in an otherwise tedious tome. Still, when Tim Burton's adaptation came out, I was ridiculously excited - it looked like it would be the Wonderland tale to capture my heart. But again, the reality of it let me down. It had all the right ingredients, but there was still something off about it and I was very disappointed. Then, more recently, Splintered started doing the rounds in the book blogosphere. Many, many people raved about it. I became intrigued - could this finally be the right Wonderland for me?

After reading Splintered the answer is a resounding no. It bears a lot of similarities to Burton's Wonderland tale, including Alice's (or in this case, her successor Alyssa's) role in the story. But I liked Splintered even less. I did enjoy Howard's unique and dark take on Wonderland's creatures and landscape, and the plot itself (the female line in Alice's family is cursed until someone fixes the mistakes she made in Wonderland) has a lot of potential - but unfortunately this was all vastly overshadowed by weak, unlikable characters and an irritating love triangle. Without the romance - or at least with the romance taking a back seat - this could have been a great book, but as it is, the romance is front and centre and all I wanted to do was see its head chopped off by Queen Red.

Alyssa is a weak, passive character. Things happen to her, others control her, and she barely thinks for herself let alone acts. Towards the end she does grow and take action, but for me it was too little, too late. Her passiveness was reinforced repeatedly by the two douchebag love interests. Jeb, her best friend who is secretly in love with her but dating Alyssa's bully for who-knows-what reason, is a controlling, domineering dick. He, too, changes a little at the end, but again, it's too little, too late. Meanwhile, the other corner of this triangle, Morpheus, is an arrogant, creepy puppet-master  pulling everyone's strings, but especially Alyssa's. He spends some of his time as a giant moth and used to be a caterpillar - THE Caterpillar. So not sexy.

The secondary characters are richly described in appearance but don't go much deeper than that. To her credit, Howard has a knack for details; her Wonderland leaps off the page thanks to her vivid, colourful descriptions. Unfortunately it wasn't enough to salvage the book for me. Strong characters will always win out over pretty descriptions, and although Splintered has a plethora of the latter, it has none of the former. This book really wasn't my cup of tea.

Rating: 2/5

Fine Print
Published: January 2013, Amulet Books.
Source: I received a review copy from the publisher via Netgalley.
Get It: Book Depository.

Review: The Romance Diaries: Ruby By Jenna Austen

This book reads like a teenage girl's diary. Which is probably exactly what the author was going for but which made it totally unenjoyable for me. Because it's not the diary of a particularly interesting teenage girl. Ruby is not well-developed – in fact, all of the characters felt quite flat to me – and all she apparently cares about is romance. Not her own, mind you, but others'. Yep, she considers herself a matchmaker, and her diary is all about the love lives of her friends and family – and her own in time, natch. It's unsurprising considering the inspiration for this novel was apparently Jane Austen's Emma, but the thing about Emma is there's so much more than matchmaking in there. It explores identity, class and gender alongside the main romance. Ruby, however, is all about the romance – which itself is completely cheesy, predictable and rather unbelievable.

I might have still enjoyed the book as a fun bit of fluff if not for the language. Run-on sentences, way too many adverbs, and a ridiculous amount of slang all combined to make it seem like a 12-year-old had written it. Or an adult trying too hard to sound like a teenager. I'm not against slang; far from it. I actually adore being creative with words and have been known to throw the odd “totes” and “OMG” in to my writing, but this was just too much. Every sentence included at least one odd abbreviation, slang word, ALL CAPS, Random Capitalisation That Lost Its Meaning From Overuse, or broken up words (think LA. ME.) - and sometimes pretty much all of them at once! Some teenagers may write like that, but not many, and not to that extreme – especially if they want to be writers themselves, as Ruby does. It felt inauthentic and jarring, and frankly, extremely annoying.

Younger teens and tweens may get a kick out of this book, but it really wasn't my cup of tea.

Rating: 2/5

Fine Print
Published: January 2013, HarperCollins
Source: Netgalley

The Movie Was... Meh: Breaking Dawn Part Two

 
So. I've ended my relationship with The Twilight Saga. It's over. And not a moment too soon.*

Last night I dragged the Husband along to see Breaking Dawn Part Two, and I can't say either of us were particularly excited about it. I HATED the book, especially the second half, but I felt like I should watch the movie to, you know, get a sense of closure. The Husband just came along because he's a good sport. He subsequently slept through half the movie.**

As I mentioned in my post about Part One, I had a lot of problems with the book, which in turn meant I had a lot of problems with the movie(s), seeing as it's the same story and all. There were a few redeeming qualities,but not many. Spoilers ahead!

What I Liked

• The lullaby was played during the opening credits AND Edward actually plays it again to Bella and Renesmee. It's quite sweet. 
• The sex scenes were OK. Lots of facial close-ups. I guess they had to keep it PG or whatever. Sigh.
• Bella bashing up Jacob when she finds out he's imprinted on her daughter. Though her screaming about the Loch Ness Monster nickname was cringey, as is everything else about that name.
• Unlike in the book, Charlie actually wants to know what has happened to Bella. She refuses to tell him, and he gets really frustrated. I couldn't stand it in the book when Charlie went from a caring father to someone who was all "don't want to know", so I was really glad they changed it in the movie.
• The end, when Bella shows Edward her memories, was sweet, and the flashbacks provided a nice sense of closure.
• It was cool that they featured everyone from the saga in the credits, even if they didn't appear in this movie. It was a nice way to finish it off. Although by the end it started to feel a bit soap opera-ish, with the actors turning and smiling towards the camera.
• There was more action than there was in the book, but...

What I Didn't Like

• Of course it wasn't real action, it was just Alice's vision. I knew that going in, because I had read spoilers. The Husband, knowing nothing about the book or movie, said he thought that was going to happen anyway, because there was no "flash" of Alice's vision otherwise. But when the "twist" was revealed, everyone in the theatre laughed and there was more than a few cries of "are you serious?!" and "you've got to be joking!" I don't think many people were very impressed. I certainly wasn't. It's still lame that there's all that build up and nothing essentially happens. They're freaking vampires and werewolves, and no one dies? Yaaaaaaawn.
• RENESMEE. Everything about that character is The Worst, including the CGI - that baby was so freaking unrealistic, it was laughable. Literally. I couldn't take any scene with her in it seriously. When she finally turns into a real girl, she's too big. And the whole Jacob thing is still incredibly creepy, no matter how they try to make it seem like it isn't. The vision that Alice gets of Jacob and Renesmee together in the future is not only cheesy, it also doesn't make any sense - Alice can't get visions of Jacob OR Renesmee, which is why she can't just show everyone it's going to be fine in the first place.
• Bella looks good, but everyone else in the cast looks pretty terrible. The styling, hair and makeup was once again totally off for pretty much everyone. Edward was not hot. Which defeats the main purpose of the movie, really.
• Bella's narration was unnecessary (hello, Captain Obvious!) and distracting.
• Everything turns out perfect. Too perfect. It's boring. I blame Stephenie Meyer.

Rating: 2/5

*Seriously, I'm contemplating getting rid of the books. Maybe I'll give them one last hoorah before I dump them, but I think it would just be painful.
**Random anecdote: Before leaving for the movies, I was mucking around and threw some glitter at the Husband. It didn't really wash off. He had to walk into a Twilight movie as sparkly as Edward. Teehee.

Review: The Jelly Bean Crisis by Jolene Stockman

Story time! When I was at uni, I did a buttload of work experience to try and figure out what I wanted to do. The first time I stepped into a magazine office, it felt right. No, it felt amazing. You know what I did all week? Photocopied. Filed. Did some more photocopying. Transcribed an interview. More photocopying. More filing. When Friday came 'round and my week was over, the editorial co-ordinator gave me an early mark. It made me sad. I wanted to stay. I had loved every second of those menial tasks. Because I was in the same room as the people who made magazines. I was helping them, in however small a way. I felt special. I looked around and thought "I could do this, for real."

I did three more weeks of work experience at different magazines, with varying degrees of mundanity. At one place, pretty much all I did was get coffee and take trips to the mail room, with a side of sorting out cupboards of products and old magazines. I still loved every second. It was exciting. I soaked up everything I could about the way things were done and knew that it was a career I wanted to pursue. I knew that I might be getting coffee now, but eventually, if I got lucky, I'd be writing and seeing my work in print. That was the end goal, and I knew I had my work cut out for me to get there.

I then spent six months working for free as an intern. I was thrilled to do it, travelling for nearly three hours each way just to get to the office. I learnt as much as I could while I was there and did everything I could to make myself useful. It paid off. At the end of the six months, I got a part-time job related to my internship. Eight months later, on the day I graduated uni, I got a full-time job as features writer for the magazine I'd interned at. I was able to skip the entry level position and go straight into what was pretty much my dream job. I felt incredibly lucky. I was incredibly lucky.

Why am I telling you this? To give a bit of context as to why, despite really wanting to like The Jelly Bean Crisis, it just didn't work for me. I thought the idea was cute - a high schooler named Poppy, someone who has always saved the best jelly beans (and everything else in life) for last, has a mini-breakdown and decides she wants the best now. So she has a "gap month" and embarks on a variety of work experience placements to figure out exactly what she wants. The thing is, she already knows what she wants - she wants everyone to instantly recognise her brilliance and give her the top job straight away. This kind of entitled attitude drives me nuts. I see it all the time. We have at least two "workies" in our office every single week. We never make them get coffee, but they do a few mail runs each day in addition to putting together their own mini-magazine that gives them a taste of every department. Many of the workies are great - excited to be there, keen to ask questions and learn as much as they can. But then there are those who get pissy when they find out they're not going to get a chance to interview a celebrity, style a photo shoot or automatically get their work published. A couple of times, girls have cut short their five days - five days that many wait a year to get the chance at - because they think the work is beneath them. Let me tell you, this is not the way to impress people, especially if you might want to work in the industry down the track. Because everybody starts at the bottom, and sticking your nose up at work even the editor had to do to begin with does not make you special - unless you count being a speshul snowflake.

This is exactly the way Poppy acts throughout the book. At every single workplace - and she goes through a few in her month - she's shocked that she actually has to start at the bottom. She judges everything and everyone, and finds that it's all below her. She doesn't really give anything a proper chance, moving on quicker than you can say "I quit". The thing is, it's not really a problem for her, because each time she manages to find a new position immediately, with little to no effort on her part. Which is completely unrealistic, not to mention infuriating. And it literally teaches her that you can "get in anywhere, if you just ask". Maybe I'm jaded, but the world just does not work like that.

Poppy's poor attitude alone may have been tolerable (though probably not), but in addition to that, she was also kind of a bitch. She made snarky, nasty comments about pretty much everything - including the woman who actually enjoyed her mundane job at the cookie factory, or another who dared not to shave her armpits. Then there was the way she treated the whole concept of counselling. I'm paraphrasing, but she's basically like: it's for crazy people, ewwww. Yep, that's a really helpful way to frame a vital service - not to mention mental health issues - especially to a teenage audience who might already feel like freaks if they have mental health problems, and embarrassed about seeking counselling, even when they really need to. The idea that this might turn off even one teen from seeing a counsellor, or might make someone feel bad if they do, was very unsettling for me.

I just did not like Poppy, so it was a struggle to get through hundreds of pages in her company. The secondary characters were OK, though a little flat overall. I did really like Poppy's grandmother - she was strong, independent and feisty. She was the highlight of The Jelly Bean Crisis for me. I feel terrible for not liking this book - like I said, I really wanted to - and also strange because it seems like everybody else does. Seriously, look at all those glowing reviews! I feel like I must have read a different book - or my personal experience just had a dramatic effect on my enjoyment of it. I think The Jelly Bean Crisis would be great for teens who are trying to figure out what they want in life, and it would probably give them some good ideas and things to think about. It just wasn't for me at all.

Rating: 2/5

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult Contemporary
Source: I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review. 
Published: August 2012, CreateSpace
Get It: Amazon

Review: Forgotten by Cat Patrick

I've been wanting to read Forgotten for awhile. The idea of a girl whose memory reset every night so that she had no recollection of the past, yet could see the future, sounded kinda like 50 First Dates awesome. If I had've read it a year ago I might have really liked it. A year ago, I was much less jaded and much more forgiving of things like, say, love triangles and insta-love. But now? Now these things are enough to make me not read a book at best, and throw it across the room at worst.

The good news is this book features no love triangles. The bad news is it features a helluva lot of insta-love. You see, London (our protagonist) meets a guy she has no future memory of, and falls in love with him on the spot. But because she can't see him in her future, she figures there's no point in wasting time, so she leaves him out of the notes she writes for herself every night so that she can "remember" the past. The next time she sees him it's like the first time for her - and bang! Insta-love again. Eventually she starts to write him into her notes, but that just makes things worse - it makes her all excited to see this guy she doesn't actually know (having zero memories of him), and then when she does KABOOM! Insta-love AGAIN. And again and again and again. And it's not just your run-of-the-mill "he's the one" insta-love, either. It's the lip-biting, breath-taking, swoon-worthy kind of insta-love, where she has to notice how gorgeous his eyes/jawline/hair/abs/toenails are every freaking time he appears on the page. It's all so tedious.

What I did like about Forgotten was the mystery. London "remembers" a funeral, and as she tries to figure out whose is it, her past begins to unravel and the real reason behind her memory issue comes to light. Too bad this mystery takes a back seat whenever her boyfriend is around. I'm parapharsing, but legit something along these lines happens in the book: "OMG someone I love is going to DIE! Oh hey Luke, you've got nice pecs, let's make out".

London's relationship with her friend Jamie also frustrated the hell out of me. London can see some terrible stuff in her bestie's future, but she does very little to try and stop it. I understand the idea that she doesn't want to interefere too much in others' lives, but for the most part it seemed like actually, she was just more interested in her own love life than anyone else.

Cat Patrick has a smooth writing style, but unfortunately Forgotten is full of plot holes and unbelievable twists. I know with any story - but especially one like this - you have to be able to suspend your disbelief, and I can do that to a certain extent, but it still has to be logical within the world that's built. There were a few things that I just couldn't swallow. I was really disappointed with Forgotten on the whole. I do still really love the cover, though (hey, I wanted to end on a positive note!).

Rating: 2.5/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• How does nobody know about London's condition except her mum and her best friend? How does she even go to school - wouldn't she be better off home schooled? And as if her mum would've - or should have - let her go to summer camp when she was younger with a condition like hers! Little, illogical details like this drove me nuts.
• One big illogical detail really made me mad, though - the whole "whoops, we buried the wrong body" thing with her little brother. No, just no. What kind of authorities would be like, "we found some bones, your son is missing, so it MUST be him, we don't have to run tests or anything, oh no." Right.

Eye Candy
I pictured Lily Collins as London and Sean Faris (circa Life As We Know It) as Luke. Coz they're pretty like the characters.

Source

Source

Fine Print
Published: 2011, Hardie Grant
Get It: Bookworld

Review: Pale by Chris Wooding

In Pale, people have the ability to come back from the dead using a special formula known as the Lazarus Serum. Problem is, it turns you into a "Pale" - your skin, hair and eyes go white, and you're shunned by society to the point that you're driven to slums on the edge of the city, unable to get or keep a job. It's even difficult for the kids to attend school, because bullies like our protagonist Jed and his best friend beat them up if they try. Seriously - this is how the book opens. It's not a good way to make a character likeable or even sympathetic.

Jed, like his family and friends, hates Pales, and declares he'd rather be dead than become one. Dun dun dunnn. Before you can say "foreshadowing", he's in an accident and wakes up Pale. His precious girlfriend loved him so much she couldn't let him die... but she doesn't love him enough to stay with him as a Pale. Yep, Jed's world is turned upside down; his family and friends wish he was dead rather than this super white version of himself. Luckily, the boy he and his mate were beating up in the beginning doesn't hold a grudge, and takes him under his wing.

The concept for this novella is great, but it's just too short to develop it effectively. It's like the skeleton of a story, without any meat to give it life. The characters are flat and the plot is predictable. I also found the world-building to be lacking and unrealistic. For instance, Jed's father is a lawyer who specialises in repossessing Pales' property coz they're technically 'dead'. The thing is, the Lazarus Serum has been around for awhile, so wouldn't the government have done something by now to change the law to protect the Pales somehow? I mean, the serum is so prevalent that it's in the freaking first aid room at Jed's school, yet nobody has done anything to deal with the consequences of that serum? It's like society is all, "Yay! Down with death! Except we don't want to know about you if you come back from it." I can understand certain parts of society being bigoted against Pales, but everyone? It just doesn't make sense. Especially because those Pales were once family and friends and presumably somebody made the decision to use the serum on them. They can't all be like ridiculous Sadie, Jed's girlfriend, who rejects the product of her own decision. Seriously, no matter how much you hated something, if the choice is between having the love of your life, or your child, be that thing, or be dead, wouldn't you rather them be alive?

Anyway, I'm getting into ranty territory now, so I'll wrap this up. It suffices to say that I was left pretty unsatisfied with Pale. It was a quick read, but I didn't feel like I got anything from it other than frustration. The premise is great but the story itself isn't.

Rating: 2.5/5

Fine Print
Published: September 2012, Stoke Books
Source: Netgalley
Get It: Book Depository

Review: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris

Warning: Spoilers for previous books.

I read most of Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series in a binge a couple of years ago when I was going into massive True Blood withdrawal. While I much preferred the show, I enjoyed the series and eagerly awaited the next book. I got my hands on Dead Reckoning as soon as I could, but I was left extremely unsatisfied. As a result I wasn't exactly hanging to read Deadlocked, the latest installment in this seemingly never-ending series. The fact that it got pretty "meh" reviews didn't help. But when a friend gave me a copy I figured I may as well get it over and done with. So here we are.

Deadlocked has cemented the fact that I'm well and truly over this series. Harris needs to wrap this shit up. I feel like it should have ended at least three books ago - she could have even kept the storyline in tact, coz if you remove all the inane and pointless details you cut at least a third off the length. I got so sick of reading about Sookie's chores and whether her grass was dry or her tyres were flat. At this point it doesn't even add anything to her character, other than to reinforce that without her supe buddies she's incredibly mundane.

The story, such as it was, focuses on the fairy and vampire political problems that were introduced in previous books. Unfortunately, the main characters in these situations - Claude, Niall and Eric - were notably absent from the majority of the book and much of the action happens off screen. What we're left with is a whole lot of Sookie wondering what the hell is going on, talking to various people on the phone and sometimes face to face and, well, paying bills, cooking, cleaning... sleeping. Oh, wait, that was just me, halfway through the book. There weren't even any sexy times to keep things mildly entertaining. 

I've never been a fan of the fairy plot, and was happy when I heard it would be resolved in Deadlocked. Too bad the resolution is the most anti-climactic thing I've read since Breaking Dawn. Seriously, Charlaine Harris? We had to put up with this fairy crap through multiple books for that?! So not worth it.

As for the vamp sitch, I thought the whole murder investigation and Eric's attempts to escape both being arrested and being married off would make for an interesting plot. I thought wrong. As I've already mentioned, Eric is mostly absent from the book and the plotline didn't really go anywhere. BILL was in Deadlocked more, and I wanted to throw things when Sookie started getting all friendly with him again. He freaking RAPED her. He should have stayed in Peru. I was also disappointed to see Quinn reappear. And Sam is just so dopey. I know many suspect he will be Sookie's endgame, and if that's the case I may have to hurt a book.

I'll read the next in the series, because it's the last and I want to see how everything comes together. Or if it does. But it's just not fun anymore.

Rating: 2/5

Eye Candy
At least this gave me a good excuse to post these pics (like I need one):

Review: Vulpi by Kate Gordon

Vulpi by Kate Gordon is the follow-up to Thyla, the story of a unique species of shapeshifters running wild in the Tasmanian bush. While Thyla centred around Tessa, a 200-year-old teenager with no memory, Vulpi shifts the focus to brand-new shapeshifter Cat, a minor (and not entirely likable) character from the first book. This was a risk on Gordon's part and, unfortunately, it didn't really pay off. I just wasn't invested in Cat's character or journey, and she didn't do anything in the first part of Vulpi to make me feel otherwise. While other characters said they found her witty, intelligent and, frankly, irresistible (at least three fell in love with her), nothing she said or did actually showed these qualities to the reader, other than the odd mention of literature. Note: referencing the classics does not a smart heroine make (I'm looking at you, Twilight/50 Shades of Grey).

The story itself was OK but, unlike Thyla, it wasn't enough to keep me compulsively turning the pages. The main conflict is around the increasing number of teens being murdered and the mysterious "Solution" the evil Diemans have been talking about. Not uninteresting, but still, this short, easy read took me three. Freaking. Weeks. As I mentioned in my DNF post, this wasn't entirely the book's fault - I've been crazy busy - but I also wasn't particularly compelled to pick it up.

What I did appreciate was the shift from second person narration in Thyla to first person in Vulpi. It just flowed more smoothly and was more consistent. The dialogue was also an improvement on Thyla, with less info dumps at inappropriate times (though there were still a few). However, the way a few characters spoke was still quite jarring to me. The worst offender was the eponymous vulpi, Archie, an English chap whose dialogue just didn't feel authentic. It pulled me out of the story rather than into it. Speaking of Archie - I also didn't really enjoy the insta-love and the, "oh god, swooooon, gasp, shudder, shiver, derrrrrrr" every time he so much as breathed in Cat's direction.

I feel bad for dissing the book because I really, really wanted to like Vulpi. I'm disappointed that I didn't. As I mentioned earlier, I really appreciate Gordon's unique take on the paranormal and the very Australian flavour she weaves into her work. But while I love the concept, I just didn't love the execution.

Rating: 2.5/5

Eye Candy
I imagined a ginger version of Claire Holt as Cat... 

As for Archie, Cat first meets him in vulpi from, and from the description all I could picture from then on was none other than the Fantastic Mr Fox himself...

 Seriously. Sexy, no? No.

Review: Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard

I've been putting off writing this review for so long because, goddamn, I hated this book. I don't have many nice things to say about it. And you know what they say...

I was really surprised at just how intensely I disliked Pretty Little Liars. I'm completely obsessed with the TV show, and I was expecting the book to have a similar appeal: four pretty friends are tormented by the mysterious 'A', who somehow knows all their secrets and manipulates events to create juicy twists at every turn. But while the basic plot is the same, the book just fell totally flat for me.

Perhaps I would've liked it better if I hadn't seen the TV show first and had nothing to compare it to. But somehow I don't think so. There were so many problems. The pacing felt unbearably slow, and while a lot of stuff happened, it actually felt like not much did. The threats from 'A' were few and way too far between, and the four main characters barely spoke to each other for the majority of the book, creating a sense of disconnection that extended to me as a reader.

This was reinforced by the fact that the girls are all so freaking unlikable. In the show, they're nice girls who sometimes do questionable things, but you root for them because, hey, they're pretty cool. But in the book I just wanted to punch them all in the face. And I'm not generally a violent person.

The access to each of their inner selves through the third person narration does them zero favours. They all come across as superficial, selfish and downright mean. Hanna and Aria were particularly infuriating. If you played a drinking game and took a sip for every time they admired their own looks, you'd get drunk pretty damn fast. This was not only annoying, it was also extremely unrealistic - especially in Hanna's case, since she's supposedly recovering from an eating disorder.

I also didn't like any of the girls' parents. They were shallow, nasty and/or bigotted. There pretty much wasn't a likable character in the whole book. This might have been OK had the plot been more interesting. It's only a short book, but it took me forever to get through because I just wasn't interested.

I'll give the next book a go, as I've been told it gets better. And I still really, really want to know who A is. But I don't know that I can sit through 10 more books of this.

Rating: 2/5

Review: The Future of Us by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler

Do you ever read a book that you don't dislike, but you don't really like it, either? It's just kinda "meh". That was what this book was for me. Which is disappointing, coz I was so excited to read it thanks to its brilliant premise - it's set in 1996, and two friends find they can magically log on to Facebook 15 years in the future. Seriously, how cool does that sound? It's such a unique idea and opens up so many possibilities - but unfortunately, the execution falls far short of the potential.

My main problem was with the two protagonists, Josh and Emma. Josh is OK, just an average teenager who has some funny moments - but overall he's kinda bland. And Emma, well, she's whiny, selfish and really, really annoying. The bulk of the FB-related story (which sadly becomes less of a focus as the book progresses) is taken up with her freaking out about her future husband(s) and how unfair her life is. The carelessness with which she treats not just her own future but also that of her friends is disconcerting. Plus the way she treats her family and friends in the present - and Josh in particular - is pretty awful. I didn't care for her at all.

I was also disappointed at the lack of resolution to the plot. I was hoping you'd be able to see Josh and Emma's "current" Facebook profiles to find out how things turned out after all, but the book just kinda ends. I get that the main message was that you should live in and enjoy the present, but it just felt unfinished. There were a few subplots left dangling, too, and the lack of closure made me wonder why they were even in there in the first place. They just took time away from the main story without really going anywhere.

What the book did do was make me think - if I'd been able to see my Facebook profile back in the day, what would my reaction have been? It actually made me realise that I probably would have been pretty happy with the way my life was turning out, and reminded me of all the cool things I've done and achieved over the past 10 years. Which makes me sound all braggy or something which is totally not cool - but my point is that it made me think about all the positives in my life. Which is cool.

It also made me think about how truly random, weird and occasionally frequently stupid Facebook is. It's pretty crazy that we spend so much time on it - and put so much of our information out there. But that's a whole 'nother rant. As for The Future of Us - it's a fantastic idea squandered on disappointing characters and a patchy plot. Such a shame!

Rating: 2.5/5

Eye Candy
As the setting was 1996, I just had to go back to my mid-90s celeb crushes to "cast" The Future of Us. Which essentially meant I pillaged two stars of The Babysitter's Club - Austin O'Brien for Josh and Marla Sokoloff for Emma.

 

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult
Published: January 2012, Simon & Schuster
Get It: Fishpond

The Movie Was Better: Breaking Dawn Part 1

So. I just got back from watching Breaking Dawn Part 1. As I've mentioned a few times this week, I haven't been that excited about watching it - I especially haven't felt the anxious excitement that I experienced with the first film (and, to a lesser extent, the second and third). Part of this I think is because it's been so long between movies, and my interest has naturally subsided. Another part is the fact that it's split into two movies, and I knew I'd have to wait another whole year to get the complete story... But mostly I think it's coz I really hated the book. It makes me ragey.


All that being said, the movie was... OK. It was pretty much what I expected it to be. There were a few things I LOVED, many that I laughed at, a couple that I hated, and still more that left me feeling not a lot at all. I'm going to break it down below, so if you don't want to read some massive spoilers for the movie STOP NOW.

The first and probably last time I'll use car-related humour. (Source)

What I liked

• Bella's wedding shoes and the back of her dress are gorgeous. I wasn't a fan of the front though. 
• The wedding vows were adorable - especially because they played "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron and Wine in the background as they said their vows and then as they kissed, with the camera panning around them. It was a lovely, unexpected echo of the first film that tied it together nicely and reinforced the fact that Bella is getting exactly what she wanted when she first danced with Edward to that song.
• Jessica is a welcome voice of reason and hilarity - "Do you think Bella will be showing?... Please, why else would you get married at 18?!"
• The lullaby is back! After going missing in New Moon and Eclipse, Bella's lullaby is played not once, but TWICE in Breaking Dawn Part 1. The first time is when Edward is doing his speech, and the second is towards the end, in a flashback montage of Bella and Edward's relationship. I was so happy to hear it again and thought they used it really well, especially the second time.
• The honeymoon is pretty cute. There are some sexy scenes, though nothing too graphic obviously. But it was MUCH better than the fade-to-black in the book. When I read it, I hated how Edward freaked out and Bella practically had to beg him to have sex with her again, but it's not as annoying in the movie. It's actually kinda cute, with scenes of them having fun together as Edward tries to tire Bella out, she tries to seduce him and he tries to resist. Their interactions are pretty sweet. Then she gets pregnant, and it's all downhill from there.
• There were a few things that were cut from the book that I was so glad not to see, especially the term "little nudger", and Edward's request that Jacob give Bella "puppies". Ugh.
• Edward actually gets some balls and becomes really angry with Bella. He even yells! He apologises later, naturally, but at least he wasn't a total wimp like he was in the book.
• They kind of made a joke out of the fact that Bella (read: Stephenie Meyer) chose the worst name ever for her baby. WORST. NAME. EVER. They all looked totally embarrassed to say it out loud. Which was pretty hilarious.
• The part where Edward "hears" the baby (I'm avoiding that name as much as possible) for the first time happens when he's alone with Bella, and it's actually quite a touching, beautiful moment between the two of them.
• The fight with the wolf pack at the end added some much-needed action.

What I didn't like
I'm not going to list everything, because then we'd be here all night. Needless to say, I've got a lot of issues with Breaking Dawn - much the same issues I think many fans have. As for the movie, its faults are largely due to the crappy plot it inherited from Stephenie Meyer. But there were a few movie-specific things that irked me:

• The hair and makeup. I swear, it's been getting worse with each movie. The one that bothered me most was Edward. He's supposed to be BEAUTIFUL, but his hair was way too dark and flat most of the time, and his face was way too pasty. I know he's a vampire, but it was just not a hot shade of white. What made it even worse was that a few times when, say, he had a top button open on his shirt, his skin was clearly a different colour below the neck. Lame. The one area makeup worked was when Bella is preggo. She definitely looked like crapola, as she's supposed to.
• I don't really remember Renee being so happy with Bella getting married in the book. And wasn't she warning Bella OFF getting so serious with Edward in the last movie?! Her excitement when she receives the invitation just felt a bit wrong to me. Charlie's reaction, on the other hand, was pretty spot on - as was his speech at the wedding!
• It's been awhile since I read the book, so I could be wrong, but I also thought Bella knew long before Breaking Dawn that Edward had killed people. His last-minute confession on the night before their wedding was just weird and out of place.
• The scenes where the pack are all in wolf form and communicating telepathically are kinda, well, lame. 
• I was personally glad not to have to witness Bella spewing up blood, but the birth scene, while not all that graphic, was still pretty gruesome. The director definitely tried to add in some more horror elements in this movie, and I can appreciate that, but let's face it - 99.9% of fans are watching this for the love story. You don't go to Twilight if you want to be scared. It's like McDonald's trying to add salads to their meals. Missing the point!
• RENESMEE. Need I say more? Everything about the name, the character, the whole plotline, is horrible. It's bad in the book, but it was kinda worse in the movie, especially watching Jacob fall to his knees at the sight of a baby. Pretty creepy. It's even creepier when Edward has to explain to everyone that Jacob has imprinted on his daughter. It was icky enough to read about, but hearing it out loud was totally gross. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
• I think I'm going to dislike Part 2 even more, because that was the part I really didn't enjoy in the book. There's so much RENESMEE in it, which I can't stand, and I found it hard to relate to Bella as a vampire. But I still don't want to have to wait a whole freaking year to see it. It's WAY too long between parts, in my opinion. They're just prolonging the pain.

Rating: 2.5/5

If you've seen Breaking Dawn Part 1, let me know what you thought!