The Movie Was... Meh: Breaking Dawn Part Two

 
So. I've ended my relationship with The Twilight Saga. It's over. And not a moment too soon.*

Last night I dragged the Husband along to see Breaking Dawn Part Two, and I can't say either of us were particularly excited about it. I HATED the book, especially the second half, but I felt like I should watch the movie to, you know, get a sense of closure. The Husband just came along because he's a good sport. He subsequently slept through half the movie.**

As I mentioned in my post about Part One, I had a lot of problems with the book, which in turn meant I had a lot of problems with the movie(s), seeing as it's the same story and all. There were a few redeeming qualities,but not many. Spoilers ahead!

What I Liked

• The lullaby was played during the opening credits AND Edward actually plays it again to Bella and Renesmee. It's quite sweet. 
• The sex scenes were OK. Lots of facial close-ups. I guess they had to keep it PG or whatever. Sigh.
• Bella bashing up Jacob when she finds out he's imprinted on her daughter. Though her screaming about the Loch Ness Monster nickname was cringey, as is everything else about that name.
• Unlike in the book, Charlie actually wants to know what has happened to Bella. She refuses to tell him, and he gets really frustrated. I couldn't stand it in the book when Charlie went from a caring father to someone who was all "don't want to know", so I was really glad they changed it in the movie.
• The end, when Bella shows Edward her memories, was sweet, and the flashbacks provided a nice sense of closure.
• It was cool that they featured everyone from the saga in the credits, even if they didn't appear in this movie. It was a nice way to finish it off. Although by the end it started to feel a bit soap opera-ish, with the actors turning and smiling towards the camera.
• There was more action than there was in the book, but...

What I Didn't Like

• Of course it wasn't real action, it was just Alice's vision. I knew that going in, because I had read spoilers. The Husband, knowing nothing about the book or movie, said he thought that was going to happen anyway, because there was no "flash" of Alice's vision otherwise. But when the "twist" was revealed, everyone in the theatre laughed and there was more than a few cries of "are you serious?!" and "you've got to be joking!" I don't think many people were very impressed. I certainly wasn't. It's still lame that there's all that build up and nothing essentially happens. They're freaking vampires and werewolves, and no one dies? Yaaaaaaawn.
• RENESMEE. Everything about that character is The Worst, including the CGI - that baby was so freaking unrealistic, it was laughable. Literally. I couldn't take any scene with her in it seriously. When she finally turns into a real girl, she's too big. And the whole Jacob thing is still incredibly creepy, no matter how they try to make it seem like it isn't. The vision that Alice gets of Jacob and Renesmee together in the future is not only cheesy, it also doesn't make any sense - Alice can't get visions of Jacob OR Renesmee, which is why she can't just show everyone it's going to be fine in the first place.
• Bella looks good, but everyone else in the cast looks pretty terrible. The styling, hair and makeup was once again totally off for pretty much everyone. Edward was not hot. Which defeats the main purpose of the movie, really.
• Bella's narration was unnecessary (hello, Captain Obvious!) and distracting.
• Everything turns out perfect. Too perfect. It's boring. I blame Stephenie Meyer.

Rating: 2/5

*Seriously, I'm contemplating getting rid of the books. Maybe I'll give them one last hoorah before I dump them, but I think it would just be painful.
**Random anecdote: Before leaving for the movies, I was mucking around and threw some glitter at the Husband. It didn't really wash off. He had to walk into a Twilight movie as sparkly as Edward. Teehee.