Tomorrow is the day. The end of the world the Mayans predicted. Or just, y'know, when their calendar ends. Just in case the world does end tomorrow, I thought I'd get prepared by refreshing my knowledge of apocalypses (apocalypseii?) from the place I get all my life skills (or lake thereof): books. I hereby present the (un)Official Apocalypse Survival Guide of 2012. There's only one problem: it's limited to the books I've read. But time is running out, so here goes nothing...
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
The Apocalypse: Unspecified disaster followed by a despotic government that controls the population by forcing them to send their children into The Hunger Games, a fight-to-the-death television extravaganza.
Survival Skills Required: Archery, running, cunning, a strong stomach, knowledge of plants, hunting, skinning squirrels, charisma, style and possibly cake frosting.
My Chances: 1/10 a.k.a. Doomed
And All The Stars by Andrea K. Host
The Apocalypse: Alien invasion via purple dust that infects humans, causing them to turn weird colours and manifest powers before being taken over.
Survival Skills Required: Running, hiding, baking, eating.
My Chances: 7/10 a.k.a. Let me eat cake.
The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman
The Apocalypse: Zombies. Lots and lots of zombies.
Survival Skills Required: Running, being quiet, shooting, hacking, hitting, stabbing, decapitating, foraging, raiding, a strong stomach.
My Chances: 2/10 a.k.a. I'm hiding upstairs.
The Children of Men by P.D. James
The Apocalypse: The human race is suddenly infertile.
Survival Skills Required: Strong mental health and resilience.
My Chances: 6/10 a.k.a. Depressed, much?
Legend by Marie Lu
The Apocalypse: This is never really clear, to be honest.
Survival Skills Required: All-round perfection, money.
My Chances: 4/10 a.k.a. I'm too confused to give up all hope.
The Host by Stephanie Meyer
The Apocalypse: Invasion of the alien body snatchers.
Survival Skills Required: Running, hiding, being really strong-willed.
My Chances: 5/10 a.k.a. Nobody messes with my brain but me.
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Apocalypse: Terrorist attacks + low fertility = Biblical-inspired misogynistic, extremist society where women are reduced to the archetypes of the pure (and barren) wife and the objectified (and fertile) whore.
Survival Skills Required: A fertile womb and subservience.
My Chances: 3/10 a.k.a. I don't know about my fertility, but I do know I probably wouldn't want to survive in this world.
That's about as far as my apocalyptic reading has gone to date. Here's hoping the world doesn't end tomorrow and I can add to the list! In the meantime, feel free to share your book-inspired survival tips in the comments.
Ha! Awesome post. I'm so tweeting this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this! I am always looking for more apocalypse books to read! I added them to my TBR list! Hopefully the world doesn't end and I get to read them!
ReplyDeleteHaha I'm glad my nonsense is somewhat useful ;)
DeleteFun idea!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteI laughed out loud and gave you an actual thumbs up because damn if you are not right about Legend. It is completely NOT clear and that's why I knocked zee stars off! ;)
ReplyDeleteHaha thank you!
DeleteFor starters, this list gave me the giggles (is that bad that I'm giggling at potential survivability in a pending apocalypse?). I LURVED it. Secondly, I read so much apocalyptic fiction (mostly zombies though) to list it all out here. I'd like to think I'd fare well, but more realistically, I think I'd be one of those people to just go balls to the walls nuts-o by the end of it. At least I think it's safe to say I wouldn't be among the first to go!
ReplyDeleteNah, I've gotta laugh about it or I'll be hiding under the bed. Er, I mean, going about my day in a completely normal, rational way. Yes, that's it.
DeleteI'd add Y: The Last Man to the list. Survival odds are good for that one since, you know, all of the women survived (unless they're killed).
ReplyDeleteOoh I'll have to check that one out, thanks for the suggestion.
DeleteI love that you included The Children of Men on here. No one ever talks about that book, but I love it so much. Talk about creepy and weird - the kittens in strollers, running over that baby, and the young kids surrounding that car with the weird makeup. Yeah...
DeleteAlso, my best bet for survival is in And All The Stars. Other than that, I'm totally doomed.
It's one of my fave dystopians for sure. It's awesome and incredibly disturbing.
DeleteBelle, this post is pure awesome! I'm glad the world didn't end so I could read it :)
ReplyDeleteHaha aw thanks Maree :) I'm glad the world didn't end too
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