The Movie Was THE WORST: The Host

Words cannot convey how bad The Host movie was. But maybe Gifs can!

I have to admit when I read the book about four years ago, I quite liked it. I thought the writing was an improvement on The Twilight Saga and the story was entertaining.

When I found out they were making a movie, I was moderately excited.

When I heard they cast Max Irons, I may have let out a little squee.

Still, I was nervous about how The Host would translate on screen, especially considering a large portion of it is two people interacting in one head.

As it turns out... it didn't translate. It didn't work at all.

'Melanie' was this weird echoey voiceover while 'Wanda' talked to her out loud, but it just looked like she was talking to/arguing with herself.

Things got hella awkward when the two guys were introduced.

Although Max Irons was pretty.

But the corny, corny lines and obligatory kisses in the rain were laughable.

And the love triangle square was completely absurd to watch.

Especially when Wanda would be kissing one of the boys while Melanie's voiceover screamed in protest.

Not even Max Irons or Saoirse Ronan (who I actually think is pretty great) could salvage this awful, awful movie.

I can say one good thing about this movie: It made me laugh.

A lot.

But I don't think that was its intention.

I give The Host one star.

Mag Monday: Vogue and GQ

I'm not really a Vogue kinda girl, but the cover this month is so beautiful, I just had to pick it up. Lookie!

Unfortunately there wasn'y much to capture my attention between the covers. There was some more pretty pictures though.

The August edition of the American GQ on the other hand, is filled with awesomeness (and pretty pictures too, natch).

The cover story and images of Joseph Gordon-Levitt are lovely, although JGL protested the way the story described his brother's death. I can understand why he's upset, however I can also see why the magazine would have included the "alleged drug overdose" reference. It's part of the story, after all. That aside, I predict JGL will be the next Ryan Gosling. He's got the swagger, he's got the adorableness, he's got the multi-talented thing down, and he's a former child star... he's totally the brunette RGos. He just needs a Nicholas Sparks movie to catapult him to meme status.

But JGL isn't the only hot guy in a suit GQ has on offer this month. Oh, no. Their main fashion features Douglas Booth, David Oyelowo, Kit Harrington AND Max Irons. Whoever came up with that idea is literally a genius.

What did I tell you? GENIUS. As if that wasn't enough eye candy, they also have an entire feature dedicated to ice cream. With pictures of an ice cream galaxy. ICE. CREAM. GALAXY.

On a more sombre note, Sean Flynn's in-depth story on the massacre in Norway, featuring survivor's experiences, makes for a chilling but fascinating read.

I'm not exactly the target audience but I found so much to love in this GQ - I'll definitely be picking it up more often in the future.

My Book Boyfriend: Prince Lir

My Book Boyfriend is hosted by Missie at The Unread Reader. It's all about fictional boys who make us swoon. This week my BB is Prince Lir from The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. He starts out as a bit of a "marshmallow" - sweet and soft - but love transforms him into a hero; slaying dragons, defeating dark knights, and sacrificing everything to save his sweetheart. He's pretty lovely. I pictured him looking a lot like Max Irons, who I'm slightly obsessed with right now.

Swoon-Worthy Quotes

"Marveling at his own boldness, he said softly, 'I would enter your sleep if I could, and guard you there, and slay the thing that hounds you, as I would if it had the courage to face me in fair daylight. But I cannot come in unless you dream of me.'"

"'You were the one who taught me,' he said. 'I never looked at you without seeing the sweetness of the way the world goes together, or without sorrow for its spoiling. I became a hero to serve you, and all that is like you. Also to find some way of starting a conversation.'"

"'Unicorn, mermaid, lamia, sorceress, Gorgon - no name you give her would surprise me, or frighten me. I love whom I love.'

'That's a very nice sentiment,' Schmendrick said. 'But when I change her back into her true self, so that she may do battle with the Red Bull and free her people-'

'I love whom I love,' Prince Lir repeated firmly. 'You have no power over anything that matters.'"

Review: The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle

This book was so beautiful I wanted to hug it (in fact, I may have).

I looooved The Last Unicorn movie as a kid and watched it repeatedly, but I’m ashamed to say until recently I didn’t even realise it was a book. I ordered it as soon as I discovered it was, and finally got around to reading it this week. From the opening lines (“The unicorn lived in a lilac wood, and she lived all alone... she was no longer the careless color of sea foam, but rather the color of snow falling on a moonlit night.”) I knew I was in for an amazing read. Of course, I already knew the story, but I didn’t know just how clever and wonderful the telling of it would be.

If you’re unfamiliar with the tale, The Last Unicorn is, as the title suggests, about a unicorn who discovers she’s the last of her kind and leaves the safety of her lilac woods in search of the truth about what happened to her people. Along the way, she picks up some allies in the adorably incompetent magician, Schmendrick, the strong, rough but caring Molly Grue and the handsome, heroic Prince Lir. She also learns a couple of important truths about herself and the nature of humanity.

This is a fairy tale full of whimsy, warmth, comedy, action and sadness. Beagle’s use of language is exquisite, his pacing is pretty much perfect and his characters are quirky but real, each one of them flawed and dealing with their own search for meaning and purpose. So while on the surface this is an entertaining read, it’s strengthened by a deeper level. What struck me most was the poignant exploration of love, life and mortality. Unicorns are immortal but cannot feel love, while humans love deeply but must die. Then there’s Schmendrick, stuck in between – a human blessed (or cursed) with immortality until he can find his true self and access his full power. I suppose your own interpretation would determine which state was better, but to me the ultimate message of The Last Unicorn seemed to be that love is the most powerful magic of all; able to conquer mortality (or the fear of it, at least) and give meaning to life. Now that’s a message I can embrace (literally... excuse me while I go back to hugging my book).

Rating: 5/5

Eye Candy

I pictured...

Max Irons as Prince Lir

Zachary Levi as Schmendrick the Magician

Helena Bonham Carter as Molly Grue

Frida Gustavsson as the Lady Amalthia

Fine Print

Genre: Fantasy

Publisher: Signet

Published: 1991 (40th Anniversary Edition)

Get It: Book Depository

My Book Boyfriend: Henry Lazar

Wednesday is fast becoming my fave day of the week, mostly thanks to My Book Boyfriend, a weekly meme hosted by The Unread Reader, all about fictional boys who make us swoon. This week my book boyfriend is Henry Lazar from Red Riding Hood - because he deserves so much better than lame Valerie who'd rather swoon over lame Peter.

 

About Henry

• He's a blacksmith and works for the family business. This means he spends a lot of time dirty, sweaty, hot and shirtless. 
• He's the only rich boy in town - ka-ching! Wait, I mean... money doesn't matter. Yes, yes, that's it. Ahem.
• He's totally in love with Valerie, so his dad arranges for him to be betrothed to her. Too bad lame Valerie has other lame ideas. Luckily for her, Henry isn't lame and doesn't force her to stick with the betrothal. He's nice like that.
• Henry is also super sweet and does everything he can to help, support and care for lame Valerie - even after she's really lame to him.
• Valerie is lame PURELY because she prefers lame Peter over awesome, amazing, adorable Henry. Peter is lame coz he's not Henry.
• When I read the book, I pictured Ben Barnes as Henry, but after watching the movie, I think Max Irons is great. In fact, I'm kinda totally obsessed with him now.

Swoon-worthy quotes

"For a long while, Henry, his body half-bare as he threw vicious sparks, did not realise she was there... One of the fiery specks spat out of the forge and landed on his arm, searing his flesh. Punishing himself, he did not stop to remove it until finally, with one quick motion, he gestured violently toward the door. 'Valerie, leave,' he snarled. 'I don't want you to see me like this.'"

"She jerked against her bonds in surprise when she heard a voice close behind her. 'I'm going to get you out of here.' Even in the chaos, she knew it was Henry. But he was different. The power of his intensity, the feverishness of his concentration, frightened her... As he leaned in close, all Valerie could see, filling the eyeholes of her mask, were his brown eyes, glimmering in the flames. Sharply intelligent. Burning.'"

"Valerie looked back - and screamed, seeing the silver bolt flying straight and true, the one that was meant for her, meant to end her life... Instead, she was jolted aside, and with a thwap, the bolt lodged itself in Henry's side. He'd taken it for her... 'Go, Valerie. Go.' He shoved her with his good arm."

Related fun
Max Irons is Attractive

The Movie Was Better: Red Riding Hood

I finally saw the Red Riding Hood movie this week. It was totally craptastic. And I loved it!

After being disappointed by I Am Number Four, reading countless bad reviews of Red Riding Hood, and kinda hating the book version, I was a bit wary going into the cinema. I had a feeling it was going to be pretty bad. But I also hoped that it would be the kind of bad that I liked. Thankfully, it was.

If there's one thing Catherine Hardwicke does well, it's sexual tension. Boy, does it permeate this flick. I think that's what made it so much more exciting and fun than the book. The story was the same, pretty much point by point, but the stunning visuals (they really milked that red cloak!) and soundtrack effectively enhance the mood and play up the characters' emotions of longing and paranoia. Of course, there's still a bunch of plot holes that bugged me and quite a few unintentionally funny moments, but I was entertained and happy - which is what you want from a movie!

Changes that worked

• As I mentioned, the plot follows the book pretty closely - or, I should say, the book followed the movie pretty closely, because it is a novelisation after all. So there aren't too many differences, but one massive one that really worked was the fact that the whole boring/weird first section of the book isn't in the movie. Funnily enough, without this extra "back story", the motives and actions of all the characters made a lot more sense - including, importantly, Valerie's love for Peter.
• The actress playing Madame Lazar is even scarier than I pictured her to be in the book.
• There were a few things that weren't explained very well in the book that were a lot clearer in the movie (like how Valerie obtained the contents of her basket at the end).
• The ending, believe it or not, was included in the same product! Unlike the book. Yes, I'm still bitter about that.

Changes that didn't

• (Spoiler alert) The truth about Lucy's parentage is revealed quite early on in the film, whereas in the book it was part of the big twist ending. I'm not sure why they changed this - I think it works better at the end.
• The snow was pretty, but not much else, apparently. Everyone was running around, quite happily, in thin clothes like it was the middle of summer. It detracted from the movie just a bit (I know, coz everything else was so realistic, right? But it bothered me more than anything else). 

Rating: 4/5 (note: for enjoyment, not quality).

Eye candy
I have no complaints about Amanda Seyfried as Valerie - she was beautiful, as usual. And my, what big eyes she has!

I don't know what it is about Shiloh Fernandez, but he just doesn't do it for me. I still didn't really want Peter or want him to be with Valerie. I think maybe he's just too short (I like tall guys). Although, I'll admit, he did kinda make me swoon in the dance scene. That was hot.

Then there's Max Irons. Oh, Max. I think I'm a little bit in love with him. OK, more than a little bit... I may have spent the past two days googling pictures of him. I hope Max is the breakout star of this film, coz I want to see a lot more of him! He's gorgeous as Henry, who's once again SO MUCH more preferable to bloody Peter. My friend and I were discussing this in our postmortem of the movie, and decided that if they just switched the places of Peter and Henry, the story would be a hundred times better. They screwed up by making the "third wheel" so much more likeable and pretty than the leading man. Poor Henry - he sure had me swooning!

 Earlier

• Review: Bonus chapter of Red Riding Hood.
• Review: Red Riding Hood by Sarah Blakley-Cartwright and David Leslie Johnson.

Bookish Fun: Hot Guys Reading Books

I love this site. It's a Tumblr devoted entirely to images of hot guys reading books. What could be better than that? OK, so some of the guys aren't exactly what I'd call hot, but even their looks are somewhat improved thanks to the books they're holding. I think they're onto something... so I went on an intensive Google image search for further evidence. Let me tell you, it was hard work. Ahem. Look what I found!

 

Excuse me while I go wipe the drool off my keyboard...