The Movie Was Craptastic: The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones

Note: I wrote this post on Tuesday night straight after watching the movie, but everyone was under embargo until today. So here it is!

Wow. That was bad. That was really, really bad. I just watched The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones and it was laughable. Like I literally laughed out loud in several places. When I don't think I was meant to. But even though it was terrible, it was still pretty entertaining. 

What I liked

• I thought the cast were pretty great and fit their characters well. Lily Collins is GORGEOUS and a great Clary, and even Jamie Campbell Bower, who I had my doubts about, was good as Jace. He did have the whole angelic/lion-like thing happening, although I didn't find it particularly attractive. My one gripe with the cast is that the actors playing Isabelle and Alec, although talented, look like they're about 30. No way can they pass as teenagers, even the Hollywood version of teenagers.
• There's a line inserted that makes the big twist less WTF-worthy. Though it's still pretty WTF. And the line didn't make sense with what followed. But whatevs, I think they needed to include something like that.
• The action scenes were well done. Isabelle with a flame-thrower thingy (I'm all up on the weaponry terms, clearly) was awesome.
• There's some funny dialogue. Intentionally funny. But there's also a helluva lot of unintentionally funny dialogue, which brings me to...

What I didn't like

• There are many laughably bad moments. Including some awful, awful dialogue and characters doing really stupid things. It really dragged the movie down.
• It's completely action-packed, with major events jammed in all together, which is fun, but it also means there's not a lot of emotional depth. I didn't get a good sense of Clary's worry about her mum, her shock at discovering the Shadowhunter world, or her feelings building for Jace. It all happens too quickly.
• The soundtrack is pretty bad, and there's one scene in particular (the greenhouse scene) where the music is overbearing and completely ruins the mood, rather than enhancing it. It was so cheesy, and I was laughing when I wanted to be swooning.
• The steles looked plastic. Hodge's bird looked like a puppet. The greenhouse... don't even get me started on the fake flowers and general terribleness.
• Valentine has these terrible fake plaits attached to the back of his head for no apparent reason and they made me irrationally angry.
• Watching it on screen, the Harry Potter stealing influence was more obvious than ever.

I was still entertained, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen this year. And I've watched Sharknado. If you're a fan of the book you'll probably like it. I think it was actually better than the book (although looking back, I gave the book three stars - I think I was more patient and generous back then, ha). Otherwise, maybe wait for DVD. And take a drink every time someone says or does something stupid or cheesy. You'll be passed out halfway through.

Rating: 2/5

Friday Link Dump: Trailers, Hidden Rooms And The Anatomy Of A Book

 -The trailer for City of Bones is here and even though I didn't love the book, I'm kinda excited for the movie. It looks fun.

-I'm even more excited for the The Great Gatsby movie, especially after seeing the new trailer.

-I also can't wait for the new season of True Blood. It looks so awesome.

-When I grow up, I totally want a hidden room through my bookshelves and/or wardrobe.

-The anatomy of the book is pretty interesting.

-This is what Game of Thrones would look like if Westeros had Facebook. Meanwhile, you can learn Dothraki if you have enough time and, er, interest. And here's an entertaining remix featuring big Game of Thrones moments.

-The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is sadly over, but Hypable have listed their top ten episodes of the web series. I agree with pretty much all of them except their number one.

-Here's a  very cool way to deliver writing advice.

-Melina Marchetta is doing a Q&A session on Goodreads on April 30.

-Here are the real life people that inspired the looks of Disney characters.

-This parody of Taylor Swift's '22' is both hilarious and depressing. The latter mainly because this is basically my life at 26...

-But hey, informercial people failing at life in GIF form will make you feel better about your own life.

-And these The Golden Girls insults are well, pure gold.

Friday Link Dump: So Many Trailers! And Some Other Stuff

Stephanie Meyer hasn't ruled out more Twilight books - in fact, apparently she's already plotted out a few more focusing on Renesmee and Jacob. Ick. No word on whether the rest of The Host series is coming any time soon, but the trailer for the movie has just been released. It doesn't look amazing, except for Max Irons. Dayum.

A UK charity for abuse victims asked for donations of 50 Shades of Grey so they could use it to wipe their bums. Which is kind of hilarious. Not so hilarious is the fact that one woman is blaming the book for the disintegration of her marriage. Oh dear...

Should I read Beautiful Creatures? For some reason it's passed under my radar until recently, but now the internet is kinda exploding over the movie trailer. The cast is great but the story doesn't totally grab me from the trailer alone. Bit over paranormal romance TBH, though it's good to see the guy as the mortal for a change.

Another trailer that's making the rounds is the one for Warm Bodies. When I first heard about it I thought it was just cashing in on Twilight (with zombies) but it actually looks kinda good. The comments about R having the kind of face that could mean he's in his 20s, but could also mean he's a teenager, are particularly funny in light of the author's minor tantrum over the fact that his book isn't YA, even though it looks like it is to a lot of people.

Then there's the City of Bones trailer (what is the, Trailer Week?). I wasn't a massive fan of the book, but the movie looks pretty good. The cast looks right - even Jamie Campbell Bower. I wasn't convinced when they cast him, but judging by the trailer he does a good job as Jace.

I'm not fussed on Sookie's new "love interest" for the next season of True Blood. I guess this means they're not using Quinn, which I can't say I'm sad about. I never really liked him in the books. But ugh, enough with the faeries! Just have hot vampire sex with non-amnesiac Eric already!

Speaking of Sookie, the synopsis for the final book in Charlaine Harris' series has been released. The stuff about Eric being distant is annoying but unsurprising. I just hope they end up together in the end. Because all the other guys blow. 

The Oatmeal's latest comic on writing and content creation is both hilarious and insightful. His analogy of inspiration as a river is great, as is his advice for reading feedback and comments online (basically, it's not a good idea *cough*SPAs*cough*).

The Oxford American Dictionary has named the word of the year: GIF. Given my love of gifs, I appreciate this, but it's especially great considering the other contender was YOLO. Which I think we can all agree needs to live up to its meaning and go die.

You know how action figures/celeb dolls often look kinda fugly? This guy repaints them so they're more realistic, and they're absolutely amazing.

Will Smith still knows every word to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rap. And it's awesome. 

I'm pretty sure Andrew Garfield is my favourite human being right now. Watch him do 10 different dances - with no music - for charity on Ellen.


This gif set is pretty much the story of my life.

YouTube Clip of the Week

Review: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

I was surprised at the strong reaction I had to City of Bones, the story of the mysterious underworld of New York City (no, not the mob - the paranormal). You see, it made me freaking mad.

I wasn't mad the whole way through, of course. At first, I felt kinda "meh", and wondered why everyone raves about the book so much - more specifically, the love interest, Jace Wayland (he just wasn't doing it for me)...

Then, about a third of the way in, I really got into the action and found it hard to put down. I loved Clary, the strong, smart, quick-witted protagonist, and Jace was growing on me. I enjoyed their relationship, and thought how refreshing it was that there were no apparent obstacles for them being together (though I did wonder how the tension would be sustained throughout the rest of the series)...

Little did I know there was a big freaking twist at the end...

Yeah, that about sums up how I feel about the book right now. I liked it overall; though there were a few inconsistencies in the plot, it moved along at a good pace and provided plenty of action, while the characters were all likable and real (er, as real as Shadowhunters can be, that is). I saw one twist coming a mile away, but there was another that, as you might be able to tell, I was NOT expecting. I usually enjoy when that happens - it's definitely a sign of good writing - but this one just made me very cranky. I nearly threw my book across the room, I was so mad; instead I just ranted to my poor fiance for five minutes while he nodded along with a bemused expression on his face that said, "I'm trying to look interested because it interests you, but really I don't care, because it's a BOOK." When that didn't satisfy me, I went to Google - yep, I looked up spoilers. They calmed me enough to make me want to continue with the series... but I'm still kinda mad.

Rating: 3/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• There's not much I can say except... WTF?! I was not expecting incest in this book. I was most shocked that, in all the praise I'd read for it, I'd never come across any mention of this little twist. I wondered how everyone could swoon over Jace if he's in love with his sister. Which made me think maybe she wasn't after all, and sent me searching for spoilers. But I was still surprised the book ended with you thinking Clary and Jace are siblings... in love. Seriously, WTF?!
• One thing I wasn't surprised about was Valentine being Clary's father. What a creep! I was kinda disappointed with Jace in the end when he so readily believed everything Valentine said... but then, I guess he'd be pretty messed up after the years of emotional and physical abuse he endured. That hunting bird story?! Yikes.
• I'm sure there were other things I wanted to discuss, but I'm finding it hard to get past anything other than the brother/sister thing right now... Was anyone else as shocked or angry as me after reading this book?

Eye Candy
With Jamie Campbell Bower and Lily Collins cast as Jace and Clary in the upcoming movie, I automatically pictured them.

I think Lily totally works for Clary, but despite Jamie Campbell Bower's prettiness, Jace was coming off more creepy than cool when I pictured him. So I didn't get far before I switched to picturing...

Alex Pettyfer, circa 2008 when he had longer hair on his head and less on his face. Also, before I knew he was such a douche. Though the douchiness kinda works for Jace (well, the arrogant part of it anyway). As for the others, I pictured Nina Dobrev as Isabelle, Ethan Peck as Alec and Penn Badgley as Simon.

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult/Paranormal
Published: 2007
Publisher: Walker Books
Get it: Book Depository