Thursday, 22 August 2013

The Movie Was Craptastic: The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones

Note: I wrote this post on Tuesday night straight after watching the movie, but everyone was under embargo until today. So here it is!


Wow. That was bad. That was really, really bad. I just watched The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones and it was laughable. Like I literally laughed out loud in several places. When I don't think I was meant to. But even though it was terrible, it was still pretty entertaining. 

What I liked
  • I thought the cast were pretty great and fit their characters well. Lily Collins is GORGEOUS and a great Clary, and even Jamie Campbell Bower, who I had my doubts about, was good as Jace. He did have the whole angelic/lion-like thing happening, although I didn't find it particularly attractive. My one gripe with the cast is that the actors playing Isabelle and Alec, although talented, look like they're about 30. No way can they pass as teenagers, even the Hollywood version of teenagers.
  • There's a line inserted that makes the big twist less WTF-worthy. Though it's still pretty WTF. And the line didn't make sense with what followed. But whatevs, I think they needed to include something like that.
  • The action scenes were well done. Isabelle with a flame-thrower thingy (I'm all up on the weaponry terms, clearly) was awesome.
  • There's some funny dialogue. Intentionally funny. But there's also a helluva lot of unintentionally funny dialogue, which brings me to...
What I didn't like
  • There are many laughably bad moments. Including some awful, awful dialogue and characters doing really stupid things. It really dragged the movie down.
  • It's completely action-packed, with major events jammed in all together, which is fun, but it also means there's not a lot of emotional depth. I didn't get a good sense of Clary's worry about her mum, her shock at discovering the Shadowhunter world, or her feelings building for Jace. It all happens too quickly.
  • The soundtrack is pretty bad, and there's one scene in particular (the greenhouse scene) where the music is overbearing and completely ruins the mood, rather than enhancing it. It was so cheesy, and I was laughing when I wanted to be swooning.
  • The steles looked plastic. Hodge's bird looked like a puppet. The greenhouse... don't even get me started on the fake flowers and general terribleness.
  • Valentine has these terrible fake plaits attached to the back of his head for no apparent reason and they made me irrationally angry.
  • Watching it on screen, the Harry Potter stealing influence was more obvious than ever.
I was still entertained, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen this year. And I've watched Sharknado. If you're a fan of the book you'll probably like it. I think it was actually better than the book (although looking back, I gave the book three stars - I think I was more patient and generous back then, ha). Otherwise, maybe wait for DVD. And take a drink every time someone says or does something stupid or cheesy. You'll be passed out halfway through.

Rating: 2/5

20 comments:

  1. Oh boy...!

    I haven't read the book, and I was thinking of going to see the film to decide if I want to actually read the books but now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't do either. Ha ha!

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    1. Ha I wouldn't bother with the books personally - maybe see the movie. For free if possible.

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  2. Ha. Funn-y. Thanks for your honesty and warning.

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  3. This is hilarious, Belle! Thanks for sharing and I have no intention of seeing this. Ever. I was mildly curious before but based on the clips I saw, I was pretty sure I would hate it. So yeah. Nope. Not happening.

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    1. Haha you're not missing much :)

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  4. Haha...funny review! I'm a huge fan of the books - with all their fault. I'm excited to see the movie, but I think it's one of those films that only big fans will like. I've been having a good time reading all the reviews. They're so bad, it's hilarious. I feel sorry for the movie people to have their film get slammed, but it's often more fun to read bad reviews than positive ones.

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    1. Ha thanks! I feel bad for the actors, I honestly don't know how they delivered some of those lines with a straight face. I'm interested to know what you think as a big fan! From what I've seen fans have seemed to like it.

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  5. I wasn't a huge fan of the book so this was one of those adaptations that I was hoping would be better on screen. I'm off to see it in a few short hours so you can bet I'll be back to discuss!

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    1. Ooh let me know what you think!

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  6. Which line are you talking about? I haven't seen the movie yet, and I'll probably wait till it's out for rent, too.. But I'm really curious about that one.

    To be honest, after her hypocrite cyberbullying post, I don't really feel like supporting any of her projects anymore? :/

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    1. Jace says to Clary, "You know how I said I'd never seen an angel?... I lied." VOMIT. So cheesy.

      Yeah CC's behaviour online really puts me off. I like the actors though.

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  7. Great movie review! :D I actually adored the musical score; especially in the scene where we saw the Institute transform for the first time. The use of vocal music, however, was a very big mistake. It's like putting Katy Perry into GOT or something. The song was incredibly cheesy and did nothing for that scene at all.

    And now that I think of it, they didn't actually use a real bird for Hodge, did they? It looked like something out of Play School.

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    1. I don't remember the score but the actual soundtrack was AWFUL! Ha that's a great analogy.

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  8. Hmmm. Think I'll wait not just for DVD but until it comes to tv, haha.

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  9. Oh my- this sounds awful and hilarious! At least you weren't going into it having adored the book, but this is still pretty unfortunate.
    I very much enjoyed reading your review, though! It was a lot of fun and, though I never plan on seeing this movie, I'm glad I read your review! (:

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    1. Thank you! You won't be missing anything :)

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  10. I haven't read the book but I was really looking forward to seeing the movie. I actually really like the first twenty minutes or so, but then I would have liked a blackout.

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    1. LOL! As soon as they enter the greenhouse, it's downhill.

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