The Movie Was Craptastic: The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones

Note: I wrote this post on Tuesday night straight after watching the movie, but everyone was under embargo until today. So here it is!

Wow. That was bad. That was really, really bad. I just watched The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones and it was laughable. Like I literally laughed out loud in several places. When I don't think I was meant to. But even though it was terrible, it was still pretty entertaining. 

What I liked

• I thought the cast were pretty great and fit their characters well. Lily Collins is GORGEOUS and a great Clary, and even Jamie Campbell Bower, who I had my doubts about, was good as Jace. He did have the whole angelic/lion-like thing happening, although I didn't find it particularly attractive. My one gripe with the cast is that the actors playing Isabelle and Alec, although talented, look like they're about 30. No way can they pass as teenagers, even the Hollywood version of teenagers.
• There's a line inserted that makes the big twist less WTF-worthy. Though it's still pretty WTF. And the line didn't make sense with what followed. But whatevs, I think they needed to include something like that.
• The action scenes were well done. Isabelle with a flame-thrower thingy (I'm all up on the weaponry terms, clearly) was awesome.
• There's some funny dialogue. Intentionally funny. But there's also a helluva lot of unintentionally funny dialogue, which brings me to...

What I didn't like

• There are many laughably bad moments. Including some awful, awful dialogue and characters doing really stupid things. It really dragged the movie down.
• It's completely action-packed, with major events jammed in all together, which is fun, but it also means there's not a lot of emotional depth. I didn't get a good sense of Clary's worry about her mum, her shock at discovering the Shadowhunter world, or her feelings building for Jace. It all happens too quickly.
• The soundtrack is pretty bad, and there's one scene in particular (the greenhouse scene) where the music is overbearing and completely ruins the mood, rather than enhancing it. It was so cheesy, and I was laughing when I wanted to be swooning.
• The steles looked plastic. Hodge's bird looked like a puppet. The greenhouse... don't even get me started on the fake flowers and general terribleness.
• Valentine has these terrible fake plaits attached to the back of his head for no apparent reason and they made me irrationally angry.
• Watching it on screen, the Harry Potter stealing influence was more obvious than ever.

I was still entertained, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen this year. And I've watched Sharknado. If you're a fan of the book you'll probably like it. I think it was actually better than the book (although looking back, I gave the book three stars - I think I was more patient and generous back then, ha). Otherwise, maybe wait for DVD. And take a drink every time someone says or does something stupid or cheesy. You'll be passed out halfway through.

Rating: 2/5

My Book Boyfriend: Jace Wayland

My Book Boyfriend is a weekly meme hosted by Missie at The Unread Reader, all about fictional boys who make us swoon. This week I've chosen Jace Wayland from The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. I was expecting big things from Jace after he amazingly won nearly all the categories and was crowned the ultimate YA Bachelor in the YA Bachelor awards on Amber's blog, Down the Rabbit Hole. That's pretty big, considering he beat out Dimitri Belikov, Peeta Mellark, Adam Wilde, Etienne St Clair, Edward Cullen... yep, you can see why I was expecting to have my socks rocked off. After reading the books, I have to say he doesn't beat the aforementioned boys for me (sorry, Jace fans), but I did enjoy him - certainly enough to admit him into my man harem.What I liked most about Jace was his intelligence, wit, passion and strength. OK, his cockiness was kinda hot too. I pictured him as Alex Pettyfer.


Swoon-worthy Quotes

"It was almost as if he hadn't wanted to kiss her: His mouth was hard on hers, unyielding; then he put both arms around her and pulled her against him. His lips softened. She could feel the rapid beat of his heart, taste the sweetness of apples still on his mouth."

"'There is no pretending. I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then."

"'And now I’m looking at you,' he said, 'and you’re asking me if I still want you, as if I could stop loving you. As if I would want to give up the thing that makes me stronger than anything else ever has. I never dared give much of myself to anyone before – bits of myself to the Lightwoods, to Isabelle and Alec, but it took years to do it – but, Clary, since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me.'"

"'I know it's wrong - God, it's all kinds of wrong - but I just want to lie down with you and wake up with you, just once, just once ever in my life.'"  

Images via Alex Pettyfer Source

Review: City of Glass by Cassandra Clare

I don't quite get the hype with this series.

Given all the love it gets, I was expecting to be blown away, but the first book left me mad while the second left me "meh". I was hoping City of Glass would make me see what was so ah-mazing. Picking up where City of Ashes left off, it sees the Shadowhunters heading "home" to Idris, where the fate of their world is being decided as they try to figure out how to deal with Voldemort Valentine and his demon army. As the final chapter in a trilogy (though more books were added later - which kinda annoys me in itself, but that's another story), City if Glass is naturally more epic, action-packed and conclusive than its predecessor - which is why I was all the more surprised that it, too, left me feeling..."meh".

Don't get me wrong, it's a page-turner alright, and enjoyable enough. But, y'know, I've had better. The language is fine, but it can get repetitive, and while I think the characters are great in theory, they did a bunch of things in this book that had me doing this:

Jace in particular was driving me batty; the boy's got issues, and I sympathise, but one of his most attractive qualities is his strength and a few of his actions in this - though they were probably supposed to show his selflessness and bravery - ultimately came across to me as weak and wallowing. And once again the WTF plotline persisted and put me off when I should have been turned on. Overall, I was satisfied with this as the ending to the series, but unfortunately I just don't love it as a whole - no matter how much I really, really want to.

Rating: 3.5/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• I know I've complained about it before but I still can't get over the incest thing - especially that it was dragged out over TWO WHOLE BOOKS. It's not that I object to incest in general (in book form, that is - in actual general, I definitely object); it's the way it was used as the sole source of tension in Jace and Clary's relationship, to add a level of forbiddenness that otherwise wouldn't be there - only to have a "lol, jokes, you can totally make out" sprung on them at the last minute... It just felt manipulative and cheap.
• The whole two Jonathans thing also felt kind of contrived. But I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Sebastian...
• I don't see why this series needs to be extended beyond this book - though there were a few unfinished threads in the end, there was ultimately a strong sense of closure. Still, I was interested to read City of Fallen Angels and see how Jace and Clary played out after finding out they aren't related - until I read the blurb about how Jace is all distant coz he dreams of killing her or something and... I just can't. I can't do it. Not now, at least.

Eye Candy
The same as City of Bones and City of Ashes, plus... 

Matt Dallas as Sebastian

Adam Lambert as Magnus

Malese Jow as Aline

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult/Urban Fantasy
Published: 2010
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books
Get It: Book Depository

Pash, Pick or Pass: The Guys Of The Mortal Instruments

Time to play Pash, Pick or Pass - a game where we pick from a random book trio and say who we'd pash (and dash), who we'd pick for a relationship and who we'd pass on all together.

The Contenders
Having finally read the first three books in The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare in the past week, I thought it was about time I featured the boys from the books. Note: I'm using the actors I pictured while reading, not who has been cast in the movie.

The badass smartass with a heart, Jace

The BFF-worthy nerd, Simon

The protective brooder, Alec

My Choices

Pash: Alec. OK, he's gay. But he's hot. And... that's all I've got.

Pick: Jace. I like his wit, strength and the fact that he's not afraid to show his sensitive side. He's a bit romantic, which is a bit noice.

Pass: Sorry, Simon, but you're way too whiney for me. Grow a pair, and then we'll talk.

Who would you pash, pick and pass out of this tasty trio?

Review: City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare

I enjoyed this sequel a lot more than its predecessor, but it still irked me just a little bit.

Picking up about a week after the events of City of Bones, City of Ashes sees Clary and Jace dealing with (or rather, not dealing with) their feelings for each other while trying to figure out what the heck Voldemort Valentine is up to and who is behind the mysterious deaths of Downworlder teens (gee, I wonder).

The plot is well-paced and the writing is fine - though there were still a few inconsistencies (like the weather; trivial, I know, but distracting), and if I didn't get the message that Jace looks freaking angelic by the 96th mention of his luminous eyes/hair/jawline/nipples (not really, but almost), I definitely got it on the 97th. Still, I found myself more attracted to him this time round and I enjoyed the story a lot more, too - it was certainly hard to put the book down, and the characters stuck around in my mind even while I wasn't reading it.

BUT. I think one of the reasons I raced through it was because I was waiting for the resolution of a certain WTF plotline. A resolution that never came, leaving me extremely disappointed. In fact, if I hadn't already looked up spoilers and discovered that a resolution WAS coming eventually, I can't say I would have really enjoyed the book much at all. Overall, it brought up way more questions than answers, which I guess shouldn't have surprised me considering it's the second book in a series. But it made me super glad I had the next book handy, otherwise I have a feeling I would have been about 10 times more frustrated.

Rating: 3.5/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• I can't believe the incest thing is STILL being dragged out. It puts a serious damper on the steamy scenes. Boo!
• I thought the way Simon's transformation was dealt with was a little underwhelming. I mean, except for not being able to go in sunlight, it was like business as usual - and even that little speedbump is smoothed over by the end. There was no crazy thirst, no moping about on Simon's part - it was all just a little too easy. Unlike some other things (*cough*Jace and Clary*cough*).

Eye Candy
Same as City of Bones, plus...

Alexander Skarsgard as Valentine

Tyler Posey as Raphael

Adrian Pasdar as Luke

Bianca Lawson as Maia

Christina Hendricks as Jocelyn

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult/Urban Fantasy
Publisher: Walker Books
Published: 2008
Get It: Book Depository

Review: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

I was surprised at the strong reaction I had to City of Bones, the story of the mysterious underworld of New York City (no, not the mob - the paranormal). You see, it made me freaking mad.

I wasn't mad the whole way through, of course. At first, I felt kinda "meh", and wondered why everyone raves about the book so much - more specifically, the love interest, Jace Wayland (he just wasn't doing it for me)...

Then, about a third of the way in, I really got into the action and found it hard to put down. I loved Clary, the strong, smart, quick-witted protagonist, and Jace was growing on me. I enjoyed their relationship, and thought how refreshing it was that there were no apparent obstacles for them being together (though I did wonder how the tension would be sustained throughout the rest of the series)...

Little did I know there was a big freaking twist at the end...

Yeah, that about sums up how I feel about the book right now. I liked it overall; though there were a few inconsistencies in the plot, it moved along at a good pace and provided plenty of action, while the characters were all likable and real (er, as real as Shadowhunters can be, that is). I saw one twist coming a mile away, but there was another that, as you might be able to tell, I was NOT expecting. I usually enjoy when that happens - it's definitely a sign of good writing - but this one just made me very cranky. I nearly threw my book across the room, I was so mad; instead I just ranted to my poor fiance for five minutes while he nodded along with a bemused expression on his face that said, "I'm trying to look interested because it interests you, but really I don't care, because it's a BOOK." When that didn't satisfy me, I went to Google - yep, I looked up spoilers. They calmed me enough to make me want to continue with the series... but I'm still kinda mad.

Rating: 3/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• There's not much I can say except... WTF?! I was not expecting incest in this book. I was most shocked that, in all the praise I'd read for it, I'd never come across any mention of this little twist. I wondered how everyone could swoon over Jace if he's in love with his sister. Which made me think maybe she wasn't after all, and sent me searching for spoilers. But I was still surprised the book ended with you thinking Clary and Jace are siblings... in love. Seriously, WTF?!
• One thing I wasn't surprised about was Valentine being Clary's father. What a creep! I was kinda disappointed with Jace in the end when he so readily believed everything Valentine said... but then, I guess he'd be pretty messed up after the years of emotional and physical abuse he endured. That hunting bird story?! Yikes.
• I'm sure there were other things I wanted to discuss, but I'm finding it hard to get past anything other than the brother/sister thing right now... Was anyone else as shocked or angry as me after reading this book?

Eye Candy
With Jamie Campbell Bower and Lily Collins cast as Jace and Clary in the upcoming movie, I automatically pictured them.

I think Lily totally works for Clary, but despite Jamie Campbell Bower's prettiness, Jace was coming off more creepy than cool when I pictured him. So I didn't get far before I switched to picturing...

Alex Pettyfer, circa 2008 when he had longer hair on his head and less on his face. Also, before I knew he was such a douche. Though the douchiness kinda works for Jace (well, the arrogant part of it anyway). As for the others, I pictured Nina Dobrev as Isabelle, Ethan Peck as Alec and Penn Badgley as Simon.

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult/Paranormal
Published: 2007
Publisher: Walker Books
Get it: Book Depository