The Movie Was Craptastic: The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones

Note: I wrote this post on Tuesday night straight after watching the movie, but everyone was under embargo until today. So here it is!

Wow. That was bad. That was really, really bad. I just watched The Mortal Instruments - City of Bones and it was laughable. Like I literally laughed out loud in several places. When I don't think I was meant to. But even though it was terrible, it was still pretty entertaining. 

What I liked

• I thought the cast were pretty great and fit their characters well. Lily Collins is GORGEOUS and a great Clary, and even Jamie Campbell Bower, who I had my doubts about, was good as Jace. He did have the whole angelic/lion-like thing happening, although I didn't find it particularly attractive. My one gripe with the cast is that the actors playing Isabelle and Alec, although talented, look like they're about 30. No way can they pass as teenagers, even the Hollywood version of teenagers.
• There's a line inserted that makes the big twist less WTF-worthy. Though it's still pretty WTF. And the line didn't make sense with what followed. But whatevs, I think they needed to include something like that.
• The action scenes were well done. Isabelle with a flame-thrower thingy (I'm all up on the weaponry terms, clearly) was awesome.
• There's some funny dialogue. Intentionally funny. But there's also a helluva lot of unintentionally funny dialogue, which brings me to...

What I didn't like

• There are many laughably bad moments. Including some awful, awful dialogue and characters doing really stupid things. It really dragged the movie down.
• It's completely action-packed, with major events jammed in all together, which is fun, but it also means there's not a lot of emotional depth. I didn't get a good sense of Clary's worry about her mum, her shock at discovering the Shadowhunter world, or her feelings building for Jace. It all happens too quickly.
• The soundtrack is pretty bad, and there's one scene in particular (the greenhouse scene) where the music is overbearing and completely ruins the mood, rather than enhancing it. It was so cheesy, and I was laughing when I wanted to be swooning.
• The steles looked plastic. Hodge's bird looked like a puppet. The greenhouse... don't even get me started on the fake flowers and general terribleness.
• Valentine has these terrible fake plaits attached to the back of his head for no apparent reason and they made me irrationally angry.
• Watching it on screen, the Harry Potter stealing influence was more obvious than ever.

I was still entertained, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen this year. And I've watched Sharknado. If you're a fan of the book you'll probably like it. I think it was actually better than the book (although looking back, I gave the book three stars - I think I was more patient and generous back then, ha). Otherwise, maybe wait for DVD. And take a drink every time someone says or does something stupid or cheesy. You'll be passed out halfway through.

Rating: 2/5

Review: Forgotten by Cat Patrick

I've been wanting to read Forgotten for awhile. The idea of a girl whose memory reset every night so that she had no recollection of the past, yet could see the future, sounded kinda like 50 First Dates awesome. If I had've read it a year ago I might have really liked it. A year ago, I was much less jaded and much more forgiving of things like, say, love triangles and insta-love. But now? Now these things are enough to make me not read a book at best, and throw it across the room at worst.

The good news is this book features no love triangles. The bad news is it features a helluva lot of insta-love. You see, London (our protagonist) meets a guy she has no future memory of, and falls in love with him on the spot. But because she can't see him in her future, she figures there's no point in wasting time, so she leaves him out of the notes she writes for herself every night so that she can "remember" the past. The next time she sees him it's like the first time for her - and bang! Insta-love again. Eventually she starts to write him into her notes, but that just makes things worse - it makes her all excited to see this guy she doesn't actually know (having zero memories of him), and then when she does KABOOM! Insta-love AGAIN. And again and again and again. And it's not just your run-of-the-mill "he's the one" insta-love, either. It's the lip-biting, breath-taking, swoon-worthy kind of insta-love, where she has to notice how gorgeous his eyes/jawline/hair/abs/toenails are every freaking time he appears on the page. It's all so tedious.

What I did like about Forgotten was the mystery. London "remembers" a funeral, and as she tries to figure out whose is it, her past begins to unravel and the real reason behind her memory issue comes to light. Too bad this mystery takes a back seat whenever her boyfriend is around. I'm parapharsing, but legit something along these lines happens in the book: "OMG someone I love is going to DIE! Oh hey Luke, you've got nice pecs, let's make out".

London's relationship with her friend Jamie also frustrated the hell out of me. London can see some terrible stuff in her bestie's future, but she does very little to try and stop it. I understand the idea that she doesn't want to interefere too much in others' lives, but for the most part it seemed like actually, she was just more interested in her own love life than anyone else.

Cat Patrick has a smooth writing style, but unfortunately Forgotten is full of plot holes and unbelievable twists. I know with any story - but especially one like this - you have to be able to suspend your disbelief, and I can do that to a certain extent, but it still has to be logical within the world that's built. There were a few things that I just couldn't swallow. I was really disappointed with Forgotten on the whole. I do still really love the cover, though (hey, I wanted to end on a positive note!).

Rating: 2.5/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• How does nobody know about London's condition except her mum and her best friend? How does she even go to school - wouldn't she be better off home schooled? And as if her mum would've - or should have - let her go to summer camp when she was younger with a condition like hers! Little, illogical details like this drove me nuts.
• One big illogical detail really made me mad, though - the whole "whoops, we buried the wrong body" thing with her little brother. No, just no. What kind of authorities would be like, "we found some bones, your son is missing, so it MUST be him, we don't have to run tests or anything, oh no." Right.

Eye Candy
I pictured Lily Collins as London and Sean Faris (circa Life As We Know It) as Luke. Coz they're pretty like the characters.

Source

Source

Fine Print
Published: 2011, Hardie Grant
Get It: Bookworld

Review: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

There's a passage towards the end of The Night Circus (don't worry, it's not a spoiler) that encapsulates what I love about books:

"There's magic in [storytelling]. It's in the listener, and for each and every ear it will be different, and it will affect them in ways they can never predict. From the mundane to the profound. You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows what they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift."

Now, The Night Circus wasn't a life-changing read by any means, but it does do exactly what a story should: creates magic. And that's not just because it's about magic (although that's certainly part of it); there's also a sense of wonder, delight and whimsy in the way it's told, in its language and construction, and in the quirky cast of characters that inhabit its pages. It's entertaining, it's mysterious and it's just plain fun.

The story itself centres around a competition between two young students of magic, for which the circus is the venue. Celia and Marco have been raised with the express purpose of defeating one another, but things get extremely complicated when their feelings - for each other, and for their circus family - come into play. They're likable enough protagonists, but I have to admit, as the book progressed I found myself less interested in their starcrossed love story and more invested in the secondary characters and the circus itself. It really is the star of the show.

I know some readers have had problems with the pacing and style of The Night Circus, and while it can be a little slow in places, I really enjoyed the winding path the plot took to get to the end. I was intrigued by the mystery of the "game" and loved the way it all slowly unravelled. But the highlight was definitely Morgenstern's descriptive language - she paints the circus in such a vivid and sensual way, you can practically smell the caramel on the air and see the stark black and white tents before you. She draws you in and makes you never want to leave. It truly is magical.

Rating: 4/5

Eye candy
I imagined Celia to look like Lily Collins, and Marco to look kinda like Lee Williams.

Fine Print
Published: 2011, Doubleday
Get it: Book Depository

Review: My Name Is Memory By Ann Brashares

"I have fallen in love, and she is the one who endures. I killed her once and died for her many times and I still have nothing to show for it. I always search for her; I always remember her. I carry the hope that someday she will remember me."

OK, how is that for powerful?! Seeing that quote on the cover, together with the fact that it was written by Ann Brashares, author of the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants series which I love, was enough to make me want to read My Name is Memory without even knowing what it was about. Then when I did learn what it was about - a boy whose soul remembers every life he's lived, and the one girl he's loved through them all - I got even more excited.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite live up to my expectations. It was a super-fast, easy read - I got through it in one sitting - and enjoyable enough, but both character and plot development were on the thin side. Daniel and Lucy, our star-crossed lovers, are defined by their love for each other, to the point where there's not much else to them. Daniel has thousands of years worth of memories, but the only important ones to him - and so the only ones we're really told about - are those that involve Lucy (or Sophia, as he knows her best). Still, due to their history - and especially the way they first met (it's a doozy) - his feelings for her are quite complex, meaning that his character, as defined by those feelings, is not wholly one-dimensional. But Lucy? From the first sentence she's all about her love for Daniel; we meet her character obsessing over him, and she stays obsessing over him for the next 300-odd pages. She wasn't totally annoying, but I like my characters with a bit more meat on their bones, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Similarly, the plot is quite sparse for the majority of the book. I enjoyed the flashbacks to Daniel's past lives, but they slowed the present-day action down considerably. When things finally got going in the last third of the book, it was a lot more fun. But before that I found the way Daniel and Lucy spent so long mooning over each other from afar rather than, oh, I don't know, trying a simple "hey, how's it going?" quite frustrating. I would have also liked to see more development of the villain and his motivations - although maybe that will be explored in the inevitable sequel. Which I'll inevitably read. Coz while there were a few things missing in this book that, had they been there, would have taken it from fun to OMGADDICTIVE, I'm still keen to read on - even if I don't need it, like, now.

Rating: 3/5

Eye Candy
In my head, Daniel looked like Paul Wesley, coz he's got the whole tall/handsome/brooding thing down, while Lucy looked like Lily Collins. Coz I just love her.

Fine Print
Genre: Apparently this is classified as Adult Fiction, though it definitely felt more Young Adult to me. There's a sex scene in it, but it's not explicit, and nothing you wouldn't find in any other YA romance, in my opinion.
Published: 2010
Publisher: Penguin
Get It: Book Depository

Related
I'm not really one to watch book trailers, but this one is kinda dreamy, and captures the mood of the book pretty well.

Bookish (Movie) Fun: Young Adult, Snow White and Paradise Lost

I posted a little while ago about how I was cautiously excited about Diablo Cody's upcoming flick Young Adult, because it sounded like an interesting comedy about a YA author, plus it had an awesome poster. Well, the trailer has been released, and I have to say I'm no longer excited at all. I think I'll give this one a miss. It doesn't even look craptastic - it just looks crap.

One movie that I am getting increasingly excited about is Snow White, starring Lily Collins and Armie Hammer. There's no trailer yet, but there is a bunch of pretty stills:

In other (kinda old, but new to me) movie news, I was surprised to find out that John Milton's epic poem Paradise Lost is being adapted for the big screen. As an action movie. In 3D. Starring The Hangover's Bradley Cooper as Lucifer, unknown Benjamin Walker as Michael, Ben's little brother, Casey Affleck, as Gabriel, I Am Number Four's Callan McAuliffe as Uriel, Pretty Little Liars' Diego Boneta as Adam and... wait for it... the girl Joe Jonas dumped Taylor Swift for, Camilla Belle, as Eve. I don't know how I feel about this. I'm curious, that's for sure. I guess angels really are the new vampires, huh?

Mag Monday: Snow White And Prince Charming

I am a bit obsessed with Lily Collins right now. She is so beautiful! I'm actually going to see Abduction tonight and I have high hopes. But I really can't wait to see her in Snow White and City of Bones. In the meantime I'm so happy to see her popping up in a few magazines - like Teen Vogue. Love.

Meanwhile, Lily's Prince Charming, Armie Hammer, appears on the cover of this month's Details. Looking rather dirtier than a prince should, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Mag Monday: Lily, Donald and Ita

I am totally girl crushing on Lily Collins at the moment. She is just so gorgeous, seems really sweet and is making some great choices in her budding film career. I love this photoshoot she's done for ASOS magazine (almost as much as I love ASOS, which is apparently getting an Australian branch soon, woo!). The mag also has profiles on Simon Bird (hilarious) and Jim Sturgess (adorable), but I was most excited (sad, I know) to see an ad for the West End musical production of Ghost - I hope it comes to Australia! There's also a cute interview with Lily herself in the mag. Love, love, love her...

 

Another girl crush of mine is the amazing Ita Buttrose, who, at age 69, is looking freaking awesome on the cover of The Australian Women's Weekly this month. The Weekly isn't a mag I read regularly (in fact, I think I've maybe read it in full once), but I'm keen to pick this issue up, and not just for Ita - there are a few features that interest me, and I'm especially curious to read the interview with Daniel Morcombe's twin brother (so sad!).

On a lighter note, Donald Glover made me chuckle (as per usual) in this preppy shoot for GQ. So cute!

Review: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

I was surprised at the strong reaction I had to City of Bones, the story of the mysterious underworld of New York City (no, not the mob - the paranormal). You see, it made me freaking mad.

I wasn't mad the whole way through, of course. At first, I felt kinda "meh", and wondered why everyone raves about the book so much - more specifically, the love interest, Jace Wayland (he just wasn't doing it for me)...

Then, about a third of the way in, I really got into the action and found it hard to put down. I loved Clary, the strong, smart, quick-witted protagonist, and Jace was growing on me. I enjoyed their relationship, and thought how refreshing it was that there were no apparent obstacles for them being together (though I did wonder how the tension would be sustained throughout the rest of the series)...

Little did I know there was a big freaking twist at the end...

Yeah, that about sums up how I feel about the book right now. I liked it overall; though there were a few inconsistencies in the plot, it moved along at a good pace and provided plenty of action, while the characters were all likable and real (er, as real as Shadowhunters can be, that is). I saw one twist coming a mile away, but there was another that, as you might be able to tell, I was NOT expecting. I usually enjoy when that happens - it's definitely a sign of good writing - but this one just made me very cranky. I nearly threw my book across the room, I was so mad; instead I just ranted to my poor fiance for five minutes while he nodded along with a bemused expression on his face that said, "I'm trying to look interested because it interests you, but really I don't care, because it's a BOOK." When that didn't satisfy me, I went to Google - yep, I looked up spoilers. They calmed me enough to make me want to continue with the series... but I'm still kinda mad.

Rating: 3/5

Spoilery Talking Points

• There's not much I can say except... WTF?! I was not expecting incest in this book. I was most shocked that, in all the praise I'd read for it, I'd never come across any mention of this little twist. I wondered how everyone could swoon over Jace if he's in love with his sister. Which made me think maybe she wasn't after all, and sent me searching for spoilers. But I was still surprised the book ended with you thinking Clary and Jace are siblings... in love. Seriously, WTF?!
• One thing I wasn't surprised about was Valentine being Clary's father. What a creep! I was kinda disappointed with Jace in the end when he so readily believed everything Valentine said... but then, I guess he'd be pretty messed up after the years of emotional and physical abuse he endured. That hunting bird story?! Yikes.
• I'm sure there were other things I wanted to discuss, but I'm finding it hard to get past anything other than the brother/sister thing right now... Was anyone else as shocked or angry as me after reading this book?

Eye Candy
With Jamie Campbell Bower and Lily Collins cast as Jace and Clary in the upcoming movie, I automatically pictured them.

I think Lily totally works for Clary, but despite Jamie Campbell Bower's prettiness, Jace was coming off more creepy than cool when I pictured him. So I didn't get far before I switched to picturing...

Alex Pettyfer, circa 2008 when he had longer hair on his head and less on his face. Also, before I knew he was such a douche. Though the douchiness kinda works for Jace (well, the arrogant part of it anyway). As for the others, I pictured Nina Dobrev as Isabelle, Ethan Peck as Alec and Penn Badgley as Simon.

Fine Print
Genre: Young Adult/Paranormal
Published: 2007
Publisher: Walker Books
Get it: Book Depository

Bookish Fun: Battle of the Snow Whites

It seems that the powers that be in Hollywood have decided vampires are, like, so 2010 and have moved on... to fairy tales. We've already seen new versions of Red Riding Hood and Beauty and the Beast (in the Vanessa Hudgens vehicle Beastly), but it looks as though Snow White is really where it's at. Because they're making not one but TWO versions of it at the moment - and they both look kind of awesome.

Sorry, Snowie, you're old news.

Film 1: The Brothers Grimm: Snow White (working title). According to the studio Relativity Media, it will be "a spectacular reimagining of the classic fairy tale - an evil queen steals control of a kingdom, and an exiled princess enlists the help of seven resourceful rebels to win back her birthright in a spirited adventure comedy filled with jealousy, romance, and betrayal that will capture the imagination of audiences the world over." There's even a love triangle - between the evil queen, the innocent princess and, of course, the handsome prince.
The date: Release is currently set at March 16, 2012.
The stars: Lily Collins (Phil's daughter) will play Snow White, while the prince who captures her heart will be played by none other than my Gatsby, Armie Hammer - who you might recognise as the Winklevii from The Social Network. Julia Roberts, meanwhile, will get to use her grin for the greater evil as the queen, and Sean Bean will be her king.
The sneak peek: So far, only a shot of Lily as Snow White has been released. She looks very pretty, and very much the fairy tale princess.

Film 2: Snow White and the Huntsman, which IMDb says is "a twist to the fairy tale - the huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the evil queen."
The date: US release is set for June 1, 2012.
The stars: Kristen Stewart tackles this version of Snow White, while the titular huntsman will be played by Aussie spunk and Thor star Chris Hemsworth. Charlize Theron will play the evil queen, and Sam Clafin of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides fame will represent the prince - looking decidedly more creepy than handsome here.
The sneak peek: Here's a glimpse of all the key players, which suggests that despite being based on the same story, this will be a very different film to the Collins version.

I'm excited for both films - they both seem to have great casts and unique takes on the tale. The fact that I'm not a fan of Kristen's acting makes me lean towards the first version, but then I also dislike Julia Roberts. But judging from the tidbits of the stories that have been released, the latter film does intrigue me a little more. What do you think?