Pash, Pick or Pass: V.C. Andrews, a.k.a. The Best of the Worst

Time to play Pash, Pick or Pass - a game where we pick from a random book trio and say who we'd pash (and dash), who we'd pick for a relationship and who we'd pass on all together.


The Contenders
This week, for a bit of craziness fun, I'm going back to my tween reading years and revisiting some of V.C. Andrews' heroes (I use the term loosely). For pictures, I'm using the actors I imagined when I first read the books (yep, I've always done the "casting" thing, and yep, I remember who I pictured, probably because it kinda tainted the actors for a long time for me).

Christopher "I accidentally forced myself on you" Dollanganger from the Dollanganger series

Notable Quote: "As the man, and the head of this family, let it be known hitherto that I am to be waited on hand and foot - the same as a king. Wife, as my inferior, and my slave, set the table, dish out the food, make ready for your lord and master." - Flowers in the Attic

Jimmy "Thank god you're not my sister coz now we can bone" Longchamp from the Cutler series

Notable Quote: "I used to wish you weren't my sister... I thought you were so pretty, I wished you could be my girlfriend. You were always after me to choose this friend of yours or that to be my girlfriend, but I didn't want anybody else but you." - Dawn

 Arden "If you loved me you'd bang me" Lowe from My Sweet Audrina
Notable Quote: OK, so sadly I don't own My Sweet Audrina and couldn't find any quotes on the interwebz, so this paraphrasing comes courtesy of Forever Young Adult, but it pretty much sums up Arden... “Well, I didn’t do it before now because you seem not to enjoy it when I ram my half-flaccid dick into your dry vagina.”

My Choices

After writing out our boys' profiles and actually thinking this through, I gotta say I'm kicking myself for making these three the options this week. Why did I do this?! It seemed like a good (read: hilarious) idea at the time. But actually contemplating any of these three as anything but pass-worthy? Blerck. OK, I'll do my best. Please don't judge me. I don't actually want to pash or pick any of them, and never would unless perhaps my life depended on it. Which they might enjoy, coz they all have kinda rapey tendencies.

Pash: Oh god oh god oh god... um... Christopher. I guess. Because he's pretty. And has a sorta justifiable reason for being so messed up, what with the emotional and physical abuse and all. Not that it excuses any of his nasty/weird/creepy actions. But comparatively speaking (I'm looking at you, Arden Lowe), he's alright.

Pick: Oh god oh dear oh this is so gross... er... Jimmy. He's sort of sweet, if you ignore the fact that he lusted after his sister, who might have turned out to not be his sister, but who he STILL THOUGHT WAS HIS SISTER. But I wouldn't be his sister, so maybe it'd be OK. Although it also means he probably wouldn't be interested in me. Whatevs.

Pass: ARDEN LOWE. Phew, that was an easy one. He may not have had incestuous feelings like the other two, but he is just such a douche. Some douchey highlights include the time he watched Audrina being gang-raped and DID NOTHING ABOUT IT; the time he judged Audrina for just wanting to kiss him; the time he made Audrina feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with him even though he knew she'd been GANG-RAPED; the time he threatened he'd leave Audrina if she didn't have sex with him, even though he still knew she'd been GANG-RAPED; the time he had an affair with Audrina's cousin/half-sister and blamed Audrina for his douchiness because she wouldn't have sex with him, even though she'd been GANG-RAPED; the time he may or may not have tried to kill Audrina... What a catch.

So, who would you pash, pick and pass? It's hard, I know, coz they're all SO desirable.

I promise next week the options will be much more swoon-worthy.